Jessica

Jessica lay awake, she could hear Kevin’s heavy breathing beside her. He had fallen asleep what seemed like hours ago, although Jessica knew it probably hadn’t been more than half an hour since they’d climbed into their sleeping bags. Time always crept slowly when she was the only one awake. And it seemed to be moving forwards even slower than usual tonight, perhaps because there was nothing she could do to occupy herself. It was just the two of them in the tent, and Jessica knew Kevin was a light sleeper. The night before she had woken him several times, climbing in and out of the tent, alternating between wandering around the maze of other tents and sitting in her own tent listening to her iPod, all when she should have been asleep.

This was the first festival Jessica had ever been to. It was only a small affair, she knew that it didn’t compare to the larger festivals, Glastonbury, Reading and the others which made newspaper and magazine headlines and had famous bands playing; this was a local festival, free to all and consisting of only 2 fields. The one field housed a handful of large tents which the bands, all local and mainly made up of teens still in college who hadn’t yet given up on the dream of making it big, performed in. They were joined by an assortment of burger and chip vans and stalls selling various items, from hand-weaved garden ornaments to legal and herbal drugs. The other field was a sea of tents for the campers. Jessica’s tent was in a far corner of the field, she and Kevin, plus a group of their friends, had arrived early on Friday morning and set up camp before many other people had been around. However, a steady stream of people had arrived throughout Friday, and then throughout Saturday as well, and Jessica was glad that their tent was in a corner where it could easily be found. It would have been easy to lose her tent in the dark amongst all of the others, especially during her late-night wanderings.

Jessica thought back to the night before, Friday night, she’d only caught about an hours sleep. She, Kevin, and the large number of friend’s they’d joined, had stayed up until the early hours of the morning sitting around a campfire a group of the boys had made. They’d drunk a large amount of alcohol between them, and had smoked quite a few joints as well. When they had finally retired to their tents to sleep Jessica didn’t allow herself to fall asleep right away, she’d lain awake for about an hour, and when she found that difficult she’d taken a walk outside, and when the cold proved too much for her she’d returned to the tent and put on her iPod. She’d alternated between the two activities, slipping outside when she was too sleepy in the tent, and returning when she got too cold, until the iPod’s battery ran out and she could see that the sun was beginning to rise. Jessica had finally allowed herself some sleep then, knowing that she’d be woken up by her friends within an hour or two.

However, on Saturday morning Kevin had complained that Jessica’s constant unzipping and zipping of the tent doors to get in and out had kept waking him up, and when Jessica pleaded insomnia Kevin had argued that if she kept getting up of course she would never get to sleep. Jessica knew she would have to stay put, inside her snug sleeping-bag, tonight.

Jessica allowed her thoughts to travel back again, although her memory of Saturday was hazy. She’d taken a few E’s at about midday. Her lack of sleep had started to catch up with her, and as well as accentuating the festival atmosphere she knew they would be guaranteed to keep her awake throughout the day and into the evening. They had worked, Jessica’s day had been amazing, and she’d had no trouble in staying awake.

However, now the post-E insomnia was wearing off, and Jessica was finding it increasingly difficult to stay awake. She’d never had a problem in staying awake all night, whenever there was a party or sleepover Jessica would always stay awake for most of the night, allowing herself at most an hour or two’s sleep. However, she wasn’t usually faced with the problem of having to spend another night awake straight after the first. When Kevin had asked her, at the last minute, to come to the festival she’d thought it would be easy, she was used to keeping herself awake, and so she hadn’t hesitated in saying yes. Especially after Kevin had suggested they share a tent.

Jessica had liked Kevin for several months, and he had finally started showing signs of liking her too. Whilst they’d been high earlier that day they’d spent a large proportion of their time, away from their friends and the bands, making out and, in-between kisses, talking and connecting in that way people only can when high; opening up completely, telling each other everything. Or almost everything. There were some things Jessica didn’t share with anybody, not even at her most open. Jessica hoped that it would lead to something more, that Kevin wouldn’t just put the kisses down to them being high, but would see them as the beginning of something beautiful. Jessica wanted to be with him, all of the time, and she wanted, needed, him to feel the same.

*****

Blinking blearily, eyes groggy from sleep, Jessica tried to focus on the face just inches from her own. She smiled to herself when she realised it was Kevin, he was stroking her hair gently, having been watching her sleep.

“Morning sleepy head, I wondered when you were going to wake up.” He looked deep into her eyes.

Jessica felt her whole body turn cold, fear replacing her blood, as the realisation of what had happened hit her, hard. She had fallen asleep. And now she had awoken. Wet. She had hidden this from everyone for her entire life, in 18 years she had never had an accident around one of her friends, she had always succeeded in staying awake all night. Why did it have to happen now? Why did it have to happen in front of Kevin, how would she hide this from him when he was lying less than a foot from her?

“Sleep well?” Kevin asked.

Jessica nodded, she knew if she tried to speak she would burst into tears. She had never felt so humiliated in all of her life, and that was just from thinking about what was to come, she hadn’t even had to face Kevin’s reaction to her soaked sleeping bag yet.

“Last day today,” Kevin said, “I reckon we’ll leave at about midday, I don’t think much is going to be going on this morning, there’s no bands playing or anything. We’ll check and see what everyone else is doing, but if nothing’s happening I don’t think people will want to stick around for too long.”

Jessica nodded, she still couldn’t say anything, she was choking up, how could she avoid what was coming next? Her eyes were welling up with tears, she couldn’t look at Kevin, she knew he would notice.

“Still,” he said, “It’s still early, we could stay in here, just the two of us, for a while early. There’s no rush to get up and go.”

Why was he making this even more difficult, why was he prolonging it? Did he know what had happened, perhaps he could smell her pee, maybe he wanted to make this even more uncomfortable for her. Maybe he was hoping that if he kept her in here long enough, unable to get up due to her soaked trousers, their friends would come into the tent to find out what they were doing. Maybe he was waiting to humiliate her in front of everyone. Jessica had never really thought that he would be like that, but she supposed you never could tell.

“Are you okay?” Kevin’s eyes appeared to be full of concern, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Jessica couldn’t stop the tears from cascading down her cheeks, she felt so helpless. Stuck inside a cold, wet, smelly sleeping-bag, with no obvious way out that didn’t involve telling the boy that just a few hours before she’d been imagining might become her boyfriend. There’s no way he’d be interested in her once he found out her shameful secret. Her horrible, dirty secret.

Kevin scrambled out of his sleeping bag to enable him to move closer to Jessica and to wrap his arms around her, for a few minutes he didn’t say anything, he just let her cry into his T-shirt. However, when her tears showed no sign of subsiding he spoke, “Jessica? What’s wrong, it’s not me is it? I haven’t upset you?”

Jessica shook her head, “No, it’s not you,” she managed to say between sobs.

“Is it someone else? Did someone say something to you yesterday?” Kevin asked.

“No, no-one’s done anything. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine,” Kevin said, “I can see you’re not okay, do you want to talk about it.”

Jessica didn’t answer, she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to talk about it, she wanted it to go away, but she knew it wouldn’t, and so she knew she would have to talk about it, she would have to say something, sooner or later, because when she climbed out of her sleeping bag it would be obvious to him, and it was worse that he found out that way. And yet how could she explain it to him, how would she possibly find the words to tell him that she wet the bed? That, in fact, she very rarely had a dry night ever.

“I…” Jessica began, and then stopped. Her brain wasn’t connecting to her tongue, she couldn’t find the words she needed to say, “It’s…” She stopped again.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Kevin said.

Jessica wished that were true, but she knew that this would be the slightly less humiliating way for him to find out. She just hoped that when he found out, and vowed never to speak to her again, he would do it quietly and without telling everybody else.

“I do, have to tell you.” Jessica said.

Kevin’s face paled, “It is about me, isn’t it. I’ve done something wrong. Shit, I’m sorry, I can’t even remember what we did yesterday properly, but I overstepped the mark didn’t I? I didn’t force you into anything did I, oh shit, what did I do? What happened, I’m so sorry. I just… I’ve liked you for so long, Jess, and I’ve always been too scared to tell you, I mean I’d hate to wreck our friendship, but I’ve done that haven’t I? I got carried away yesterday, what did I do? Shit, I’m so sorry.”

He was making it even harder to tell him the truth, now she knew that he definitely liked her it was going to be even harder when he realised what a disgusting little kid she was. “It’s nothing you’ve done,” Jessica said, “I enjoyed yesterday. A lot. But… I, I don’t think you’ll,” Jessica bit her lip, she’d never found it so hard to speak before. “You won’t… You’re not going to like me after I tell you this.”

Kevin took Jessica’s hand, “Don’t be stupid, you can’t have done anything that terrible.” He tucked a stray lock of Jessica’s long, dark hair behind her ear.

“No, but… I’ll understand if you hate me after I tell you this.” Jessica said, she had the crying under control now, but she still didn’t know how to tell Kevin, she was procrastinating, and she knew it.

“I won’t hate you, I promise. Just tell me what it is.”

Jessica looked away from Kevin, she couldn’t face looking at him, seeing his reaction when she admitted her secret. She felt her face grow red, hot and prickly as she tried to tell him what had happened, “I, I… I’ve,” Jessica paused, she picked at a loose thread on her sleeping bag, and the tears started to fall again, looking down Jessica managed to say in a tiny voice, “I, I wet the bed.” Jessica felt as if time was standing still, there, she’d uttered the words. She’d said it.

Kevin let out a loud laugh, and then his hand flew to his mouth, “Shit, sorry. I wasn’t laughing at you, it’s just… shit, I thought you were going to tell me something awful, I thought you’d… I don’t know what I thought you’d done. But I wasn’t laughing at you, I promise I wasn’t laughing at you, but I was just so… so relieved I guess, that it wasn’t something awful.” He took Jessica’s hand again, “Don’t feel embarrassed about it, it doesn’t matter, it’s no big deal. Happens to people all the time, there’s no need to get upset. I don’t like to see you cry.”

Jessica didn’t know what to say, she knew it was a cliché, but she felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off of her. She didn’t care that Kevin had laughed, he didn’t mind, he didn’t hate her; he didn’t think she was disgusting, and that was all that mattered.

“I’ll leave you to sort yourself out,” Kevin said, “There aren’t any showers here, but Lucy brought some baby wipes, she said they’re a festival essential, do you want me to ask if you can borrow them? I won’t tell her why.”

Jessica nodded, “Thanks,”

*****

“Can I come back in yet?” Kevin was outside the tent.

“Yeah, okay.” Jessica replied, she had cleaned herself up with the baby-wipes and gotten into some dry clothes. She knew she couldn’t put her wet sleeping bag or clothes out in the sun to dry without it being obvious to everybody why, and so she had just put the sleeping bag, with the wet clothes inside it, into it’s bag. She would wash them when she got home.

“You okay?” Kevin asked as he climbed into the tent, “All sorted?”

Jessica nodded.

Kevin moved over to Jessica and put his arm around her, “You know you really didn’t have to be scared of telling me, it doesn’t bother me. Does it happen a lot? Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that… You don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to. Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Jessica said. She had never confided in a friend about her bedwetting problem before, and although it was embarrassing, now Kevin had accepted it she thought talking about it might be a good thing. She had, over the years, attached a lot of negative emotions to the problem. Since the age of five her parents had taken her to countless numbers of doctors and specialists regarding her bedwetting, and they had all said that there was no obvious reason for it. She’d tried every treatment suggested, but all to no avail. And although Jessica’s parents were very supportive about it, and never made Jessica feel that it was her own fault, she still felt that somehow it must be.

When, in her mid-teens, Jessica still hadn’t grown out of the bedwetting, as the doctors had promised she would, Jessica had begun to feel inferior to her peers. This didn’t happen to any of her friends, yet it happened to her, every night. And the bedwetting made it hard for Jessica to make close friends. Whenever she was invited to anything that involved spending a night away from home Jessica had to say no. Her parents were sympathetic to Jessica’s problem, and where possible they would pick her up from friends houses late at night so that she didn’t have to miss out on too much, but Jessica knew that her friends thought her strange for never staying over, and she knew that when she went home she left them free to talk about her. And even if they didn’t gossip about her when she wasn’t there, Jessica had read enough books to know that she was missing out on the best part of a sleepover, the games of truth or dare, the confessions and secrets spilled when the light were off, the bonding sessions which turned good friends into best friends.

It wasn’t until, aged sixteen, she started at the local sixth-form college, and made new friends, that Jessica allowed herself to spend the night away from home. She never allowed herself to fall asleep though, she became a master at keeping herself awake even when everybody else had fallen asleep. This was made even easier when she was introduced to drugs such as Ecstasy and Speed, which ensured that everybody stayed up all night. However, although through not having to miss out on parties, gatherings and sleepovers Jessica no longer felt as if she were missing out, she still felt inferior as compared to her friends. She’d never mentioned it to any of them because she had been convinced that nobody would be able to accept her as a sixteen, seventeen, and now eighteen-year-old bed wetter. But now Kevin had accepted it, and she was finally being offered the opportunity to talk about her problem. As embarrassing as it was, she knew that it would perhaps be better for her to talk to Kevin about it now, rather than to shrug off his questions, and lose the opportunity forever,

“If it’s not okay just say,” Kevin could feel Jessica’s discomfort, “It’s none of my business. I shouldn’t have brought it up again.”

“No, it’s fine. I just, I’ve never told anybody before. I’ve never talked about it before. I thought people would hate me if they found out.”

“Don’t be silly, it’s not a big deal. It doesn’t change who you are, no real friends would care about it.”

“You don’t know that, it’s easy for you to say it’s no big deal, you’re not the one waking up in… it doesn’t happen to you every night.” Jessica couldn’t bring herself to say the words ‘wet sheets’ out loud. As long as the two of them continued to refer to the bedwetting as ‘it’ Jessica could still slightly disassociate herself from it, she could still pretend that none of this was quite real.

“Is that why you were in and out of the tent so much on Friday night? So you didn’t fall asleep?”

Jessica nodded.

“It happens every night?”

Jessica nodded again, looking down at her hands. “Pretty much.”

“But… how… you knew this was going to happen? Surely you didn’t think you could stay awake for two nights running?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t think about it that much. You didn’t really give me time to think twice, and I always manage one night fine. I didn’t think it would be that hard.” Explained Jessica.

“Two nights is a long time without sleep, especially here. No-one could have stayed awake for all that time, not after using up all of their energy during the day. But anyway, it doesn’t matter now, like I said it’s not big deal and I promise I won’t tell anyone. Now, shall we go and see what everyone else is up to out there?”

*****

Jessica lay in bed, smiling as she thought of the events of the previous two week. Since the festival, and the embarrassing bedwetting incident, things between her and Kevin were fantastic. He has asked her out on the Tuesday following the festival weekend, and Jessica had of course said yes. Jessica couldn’t believe her luck, they hadn’t properly spoken about it again, but she knew that he accepted it. She had never been able to build lasting relationships with boys before, she always broke up with her boyfriends before it became too serious, or before she allowed herself to fall for them too hard, because she knew that if it became serious there was the likelihood that he would want them to spend a night together, and Jessica was terrified by the thought of wetting the bed with someone else in it. But she knew that with Kevin she didn’t have to worry about that, of course he would never want them to spend a night together, but at least she wouldn’t have to explain to him why it couldn’t happen. It was already established, and he didn’t seem to mind.

In fact Jessica’s bedwetting seemed to interest Kevin more than it disgusted him. He had brought it up several times since Jessica had first told him about it, although Jessica was still not comfortable with talking about it and so his attempts to start a conversation about it never went anywhere. Jessica knew that sooner or later she would have to properly talk about it again, but she wasn’t ready for that yet. She wanted to take things slowly with Kevin, she still wasn’t convinced that he had fully accepted the bedwetting, although he thought he didn’t mind she wondered if he would feel the same way when he realised it meant she wouldn’t stay at his house or share a bed with him.

*****

Kevin and Jessica were lying on his bed, fingers intertwined, they had been together for over a month now, and Kevin was keen to move things forward.

“You could stay over tonight, if you wanted to.” He suggested to Jessica.

Jessica grew red, she had thought he understood that she wouldn’t stay over, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Then could I stay at yours?”

“I don’t know…” Jessica knew she would rather he stayed at her house than stay at his, she had two single beds in her room, whilst he had just one double, but she still wasn’t sure. Of course she would be able to stay awake all night, she knew that, and it would be easy at her own house where she didn’t have to worry about moving around the house in the middle of the night. And she thought she might be ready to take their relationship a step further, having never allowed herself to get this close to a boy before she was still a virgin, and she wondered if she was ready for sex yet.

“I don’t want to push you into anything you’re not ready for,” Kevin said, “But you don’t have anything to hide from me, at least think about it.”

“Okay,” Jessica nodded.

“You mean you’ll let me stay over?”

Jessica had meant that she’d think about it, but Kevin looked so pleased that she’d said yes that she didn’t want to disappoint him. And she knew she could easily stay awake, “Okay, I’ll ask my parents if you can stay over.”

“When?” Kevin asked, “This weekend?”

“Okay” Jessica agreed, “They might say no though. Don’t get your hopes up too much.” She knew her parents would say yes, they liked Kevin, and they had always let her older sister have boyfriends stay over, but Jessica thought she could perhaps lie to Kevin and tell them they had said no. Although she didn’t really want to lie to him, and some of her thought it might be nice to have Kevin stay over. It would be nice to spend a long period of time together, she liked the late-night conversations you could have with someone when you were both lying in bed with the lights off. And she knew she could stay awake all night, perhaps having him stay over would be a nice thing.

*****

And so the next weekend Kevin came to stay at Jessica’s house. They spent the evening lying on her bed, wrapped around each other, but not getting much past kissing. Jessica was too worried about her parents walking in to let them go further, even though they both wanted to.

“I guess I’ll be sleeping on the other bed?” Kevin asked.

“Yeah, is that okay?” Jessica checked, though she had no intention of letting him share with her.

Kevin moved closer to Jessica, holding her close. “I’d rather be here next to you, but being across the room from you is the next best thing.”

Jessica was glad he wasn’t trying to persuade her to let him sleep in her bed, he had a way of making her say yes to things when she wasn’t quite sure about them; she hated saying no to him.

*****

“Jessica, are you okay?”

Jessica was surprised to see Kevin standing behind her, “Yeah, fine. I thought you were asleep?”

“I’m a light sleeper, I heard you get up, what are you doing down here?”

Jessica had lain in bed until she heard Kevin’s breathing turn heavy, and then she’d slipped out of bed and downstairs into the living room. She was flicking through the channels on the TV, looking to see if anything worth watching was on. “I couldn’t sleep.”

Kevin sat down on the sofa next to Jessica, moving close to her, he wrapped an arm around her, “Did you even try?”

Jessica didn’t say anything.

“This is about the bedwetting, isn’t it?” Kevin felt Jessica stiffen in his arms, he took her hand, gently stroking her fingers, “You know you don’t have to hide from me? I like you just the way you are, Jess. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t relax when I’m here. You don’t have to stay up all night,” He stroked her face gently, “Get some sleep, what happens happens, it isn’t your fault and I’m not going to judge you on it. It didn’t bother me in the tent; it’s not going to bother me now. I’ll give you your privacy in the morning. It’s not good for you to stay up all night. Come on.” He led her by the hand back upstairs and to her bedroom.

*****

Kevin watched Jessica get back into bed, “Here, I’ll even tuck you in.” he tucked the sheets in around her, and kissed her on the forehead, “You be a good girl now and go to sleep.”

Jessica giggled, “You’re not my Dad you know!”

Kevin chuckled, “Sorry, but promise me you’ll get some sleep?”

Jessica nodded, “Okay, I promise. Thank you, Kevin.”

“That’s no problem, you ready for me to turn the light off now?”

*****

Jessica awoke the next morning to the familiar feeling of cold, damp pyjamas and sheets. She was about to jump out of bed and get cleaned up when she remembered that Kevin was lying in the bed next to her. Her skin prickled crimson, she hadn’t meant to fall asleep, she was planning on lying in bed for a while until she thought Kevin’s sleep was deep enough that her getting up wouldn’t wake him, but she must have drifted off. She looked over at Kevin; at least he still seemed to be asleep. She climbed out of bed quietly and made her way to the bathroom for a shower.

Once showered Jessica wrapped a towel around herself and made her way back to her bedroom, she glanced over at Kevin. He still appeared to be asleep; she hoped he wouldn’t wake whilst she changed her sheets. She got dressed quickly, and then Jessica stripped her bed and took the wet sheets into the bathroom, where she picked up her wet pyjamas and took the damp bundle downstairs to the washing machine. With her sheets and pyjamas spinning inside the machine Jessica went back upstairs, and opened the door to the airing cupboard on the landing, where she took out a clean sheet. She went back to the bathroom and filled a bucket with warm soapy water. She picked up a sponge and an old-looking towel and went back into her bedroom.

She dipped the sponge into the water, and wiped down her waterproof sheet. She dried it off with the towel before putting the clean sheet on top of it. She made the bed, and thought that perhaps Kevin would think she hadn’t wet the bed at all. However, when she turned around to take the bucket of water out of her bedroom she caught him watching her. She quickly left the room to conceal her embarrassment, and waited a few moments before shyly going back into her room to face Kevin.

“Come here,” Kevin gestured to the bed, and waited for Jessica to climb in with him, “Thank you, for going to sleep last night. I know you didn’t want to, and I don’t want to make you do anything you don’t want to, but… I want you to know that bedwetting doesn’t bother me, and that you don’t have to be worried about me seeing it. And… I guess I just appreciate the fact that you kept your promise, and went to sleep, I didn’t know if you would. I thought maybe you wouldn’t trust me, but you did, so thanks for that.” And with that Kevin showed his gratitude with a long, slow kiss.

*****

The following Thursday Jessica was at Kevin’s house, he lived just a five minute walk from their sixth-form college, and so Jessica would often spend her free-periods there, and frequently spent the evenings there after college. Kevin, who had passed his driving test just a couple of months after his seventeenth birthday, would then give Jessica, who lived over 5 miles out of town, a lift home in his car.

“There’s a gig on at The Marble tomorrow night,” Kevin told Jessica, The Marble was a local club which often held small gigs, where three or four local bands could play for their peers, “Charlie and Jason’s band is playing, I was thinking maybe we could go watch them. I’d like to see them play”

“Oh, I don’t know if I can. My Dad’s going to some leaving do with people from work, he wouldn’t be able to take me home, and you know there aren’t any buses back to mine.”

“That’s okay, you can stay at mine.” Kevin suggested, “In fact I won’t take no for an answer, you’ve said before you’d like to see their band play.”

“But… you know why I can’t stay with you.”

“And I’ve told you before, there are no reasons why you can’t stay with me. You can’t sleep on your own for your whole life, I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to, I’ve said that before.”

*****

Jessica didn’t sleep well on Thursday night; she couldn’t stop worrying about spending the following night at Kevin’s. She could hardly concentrate at all through college on Friday. Even at The Marble, fuelled with alcohol and watching her friends’ band, Dirty Pigeon Strokers, Jessica couldn’t quite relax. The knot in her stomach was getting tighter and tighter as the end of the night grew closer and closer.

As they walked back to Kevin’s house from The Marble Kevin could sense that something was wrong, “Are you okay? Are you cold, do you want my jacket?”

“No, I’m fine, just a bit tired, and drunk.”

Kevin laughed, “I noticed you couldn’t walk straight. It’s not far now though, we’ll have you tucked up in bed in no time.”

Jessica didn’t like to say that that was the problem. Although she knew that she could stay awake all night, she also knew that if she didn’t she’d wake up in Kevin’s bed. Not only would she humiliate herself by wetting the bed, she would also ruin his mattress, and wet on him as well. She didn’t think he’d be so understanding after that.

*****

Back at Kevin’s house the couple crept into the house, careful not to wake his parents or younger brother, They went up to Kevin’s room, “Do you need to go to the bathroom or anything?”

Jessica nodded, and fetched her toothbrush from the bag she’d left at Kevin’s earlier in the day. When she returned from the bathroom Kevin was already in his large double bed.

“I guess I ought to go and clean my teeth to,” he jumped out of bed, “You won’t want to kiss me if I stink of beer. You make yourself comfortable.”

Jessica got into his bed, and she was surprised to hear the familiar crinkle of a waterproof sheet, she knew it had never been on his bed before. Had he bought one for her benefit? Was he expecting her to sleep, and wet, with him in the bed next to him? Maybe he was planning on sleeping on the floor, but when he returned from the bathroom he climbed into bed next to her. He wrapped his arms around her and they snuggled down over the duvets, her head resting on his chest.

“Goodnight Jess, sleep well, okay.”

“Night Kev,” Jessica said, though she knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep that night. She would have to keep herself awake.

*****

Jessica squirmed again in the bed, the pressure was building on her bladder, the alcohol she had drunk earlier in the evening had worked it’s way through her system, and was desperate to escape her body. Kevin, fast asleep and snoring gently, still had his arms around her; it would be impossible for her to move without disturbing him. She didn’t want to wake him, but she knew she didn’t have much choice. She moved a hand down to her crotch, and squeezed in-between her legs, clenching her muscles again. She would have to get up soon before she peed in his bed; barely acceptable when she was asleep she knew it certainly wasn’t acceptable if she was awake.

Jessica took a deep breath, and quickly got out of Kevin’s bed, he groaned as she moved him, disturbing his sleep, but she didn’t stop to see if he had awoken. She rushed to the toilet, and only just made it in time, a few droplets or urine dampening her underwear.

Jessica figured that Kevin would have rolled over and gone back into a deep sleep, and so instead of going back to bed and disturbing him again she crept downstairs. It felt strange tiptoeing around Kevin’s house so late at night, alone, with his family all asleep upstairs. She went into the kitchen, flicking on the lights and blinking several times. When her eyes had to adjusted to the brightness Jessica looked at the clock on the wall, 4:35. It was only two hours since she’d gotten to Kevin’s house after the gig, why did time always appear to stop when she was the only one awake?

“Jessica, why did you get up? Come back to bed.”

Jessica jumped when she heard Kevin’s voice behind her, “I, I just got up to go to the toilet. I didn’t mean to wake you, sorry.”

“That’s okay, come on, you’ll be tired all day tomorrow if you don’t get enough sleep.” He turned and started walking back to his room, gesturing for Jessica to follow.

*****

Jessica didn’t get up again in the night, she lay in bed, Kevin asleep beside her, but she didn’t let herself sleep. She was pleased that the sun started to rise just after 5am, and as light shone through Kevin’s thin curtains she was able to busy her mind examining the various posters adorning his walls.

*****

“I think I’m going to ring my parents to come and pick me up now,” Jessica told Kevin shortly after ten the next morning. The two were sprawled out across the grass in his back garden, the heavy June sun beating down on them.

“I told you I’d take you home later, I’ve got to go and see Nick, your house is practically on the way to his.”

“I know, but I think I’d rather go home now instead of hanging around here, I have a bit of a headache, and I’m kind of tired.”

And whose fault is that?“ Kevin asked.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You didn’t sleep at all last night, if you don’t sleep of course you’re going to be tired. I bet you didn’t even try to sleep, did you?”

“Of course I didn’t,” Jessica was raising her voice, “You say you understand this, but you don’t. If I’d gone to sleep last night, the bedwetting, it’s not just sometimes. I can’t turn it off. If I go to sleep then it happens, every night. I couldn’t have gone to sleep last night, I would have wet your bed.” Tears pricked Jessica’s eyes, her voice wavering.

“I know, but I do understand, and I’ve told you it doesn’t bother me. I wouldn’t say I didn’t mind if I did, but you don’t listen when I say I accept it as part of you, you don’t trust me.”

“I do trust you, this isn’t about trust. It’s about me not wanting to wet your bed, especially not when you’re in it.”

“But I’ve told you, I wouldn’t mind.”

“I don’t care if you don’t mind, I mind!” Jessica shouted, “Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to be eighteen-years-old and still wake up wet every single morning? Do you have any idea how hard it is to even think about talking about it to people, let alone having people see it? You don’t realise how ashamed it makes me feel that this even exists. I couldn’t do it, Kevin, I couldn’t go to sleep and wet your bed and then have to face you in the morning. I can’t even look you in the eye when we’re talking about it, how would I ever look at you again if I knew I’d peed on you? I couldn’t do it. It would be too humiliating. I hate myself for this, and how do I know that if it happened you won’t hate me to.” Jessica broke down, crying loud, deep sobs.

Kevin’s eyes were filling with tears as well; he hated seeing Jessica this upset, and hated to know it was mainly his fault even more. He put his arm around her, cuddling her close, “Shhh, shhh, it’s okay, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have tried to push you into anything, I didn’t realise you felt like that. I thought I was making it easier, not harder. I wish you’d told me this sooner,” he wiped away Jessica’s tears from her cheek with his index finger, “But you know I wouldn’t have woken up hating you if you had gone to sleep and wet last night. I know you can’t help it. And hey, we could have had a nice hot, steamy shower together this morning.”

Jessica didn’t say anything, but her sobs began to subside.

“Do you want me to take you home?” Kevin asked.

Jessica nodded, “If you don’t mind. I didn’t mean to shout at you, but... I just need some sleep.”

“I know, don’t worry. We can talk about everything another time, when you’re not tired and I’m not hungover. Neither of us is in a great mood right now. You go get your stuff and I’ll find my car keys.”

*****

“Jess, I’ve been thinking,” Kevin passed the joint he’d been toking to Jessica; “We’ve been together over two months now.” June had passed, and it was mid-July already. College had ended for the summer, and both had finally sat their last exams, now over 7 weeks of summer freedom lay ahead of them.

Jessica inhaled the harsh smoke, and let the effects of the weed wash over her, she lay back and let the warmth from the sun rest on her face. “I know?”

“I was wondering, do you think you’re ready to come stay with me again yet?”

Jessica opened her mouth to protest, but Kevin stopped her.

“Just hear me out, I kept thinking about what you were saying, about why you couldn’t sleep if I was there with you. And I saw your point, I wouldn’t mind if you wet and I was there, but I understand why you don’t want to. So I was thinking, and I looked around on the internet, and y’know you can get nappies, in adult sizes, and if you wore one when you stayed at mine you wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore.”

Jessica felt her skin prickle red hot with embarrassment, she didn’t know what to say, she felt awash with shame. No guy should have to suggest that his eighteen-year-old girlfriend went back into nappies. Nappies were for babies, wearing one in front of Kevin would be even more humiliating than wetting his bed. “I’m not a baby,” she said in a small voice, “I can’t wear a nappy.”

“But you can. I know it sounds horrible and babyish, but it’s not. It’s just a sensible solution to a problem. No one would know but me, and it would be nicer for you. You wouldn’t wake up cold and wet, and you could stay at mine and actually go to sleep, and you can just pretend that it doesn’t exist.”

“But it will exist, it will exist and it’ll be worse. How can you take me seriously if I’m wearing nappies like a fucking baby, it’s even worse to wear nappies than it is to wet the bed.”

“It’s exactly the same,” Kevin pointed out, “I don’t mean that in a cruel way, but why does it matter if you wet the bed or wet a nappy? Surely waking up to a dry bed’s better than waking up to a wet one? And I promise I won’t even mention it, you can just get changed in the morning and it’ll be like I don’t even know.”

“But you will know.” Jessica interrupted.

“I already know,” he said softly, “Just think about it, I’ll buy them for you and everything. Just try it, come stay at my house on Friday night, please? We’ll go out to The Marble first, loads of people are gonna be there. It’ll be good, please?”

“Okay,” Jessica agreed, somewhat reluctantly. She wasn’t at all sure about wearing nappies, she’d been in them for her bedwetting until the age of six, and she remembered hating them. Her older sister had teased her mercilessly for still needing to wear nappies, and so Jessica had refused to wear them any longer. She vaguely remembered the transition from waking up to a dry bed to waking up in a wet one, and how for months afterwards she had longed for her parents to put her back into nappies, but they never had. And then Jessica had put the thought into the back of her mind, she hadn’t considered nappies at all past the age of seven, not until Kevin brought it up anyway.

*****

“Umm, I, I, look under the bed. I got the, umm, I got the, y’know, the nappies for you,” Kevin stuttered nervously, he seemed to be almost as embarrassed as Jessica was, “Do you want me to leave you to put one on?”

Jessica nodded. When Kevin had left the room she looked under the bed, where she was met with a large, unopened packet of Tena Maxi nappies. She tore open the packaging, and took out a nappy. It had a soft plastic backing, which had a somehow nostalgic scent to it. Jessica fingered the nappy, touching the comfortable padding inside, running her index finger and thumb along the pleated leg cuffs,. Excitement rose within her at the thought of putting it on, she pulled off her trousers and knickers, and lay down on Kevin’s bedroom floor. She slid the nappy under her, and pulled it up between her legs. She remembered the way her mother had changed her when she was younger, she remembered how comforting it had been to have somebody else take control of her bedwetting problem, and a wave of longing washed over her. She fastened the tapes of the nappy, she was slightly drunk, and very out of practise, but she didn’t do a bad job. She took a pair of baby-pink shortie pyjamas from her overnight bag, pulling the cotton shorts over her padded bottom she realised that they did nothing to conceal the nappy. The nappy’s waistband rose high above that of the shorts, and the pyjamas’ top rested a good inch above the waistband of the shorts, her nappy visible and obvious.

“Can I come in now?” Kevin called from behind his door.

“Yeah, okay.” Jessica pushed the packet of nappies back under his bed with her foot, and went to climb into it before Kevin saw how obvious her nappy was.

Before she had a chance to get into the bed Kevin had his arms around her, she turned to face him, and the two embraced in a long kiss. They slid into bed. “Thank you,” Kevin whispered, his hands sliding down to Jessica’s nappy, stroking the waistband.

Jessica pushed his hands away, embarrassed. “You said, you… not tonight.”

“Sorry, it’s just, you’re so beautiful. I’ve wanted you for so long, and now I finally have you. It’s hard not to get carried away.” He had his arm around her, and he held her close, “But it’s okay, I can wait.” He kissed her forehead, “I’ll wait for as long as you want, we never have to do anything you’re not ready for.”

“Thanks,” Jessica stroked his bare chest with her fingers, “I will be ready, but one step at a time. This, right now, is a big thing for me. I know it seems small and insignificant, and I know I sound silly, but…”

“Shhh, you don’t sound silly. I understand, I understand completely. You just concentrate on getting to sleep tonight.”

*****

Jessica, still half-asleep, cuddled up to Kevin, she felt safe in his arms, curled up close. He was awake, gently running his fingers through her hair, across her cheek, down her neck, stroking her collarbone, moving down past her shoulders, along her arm and to her fingers. He took her hand in his, and she stirred slightly.

“You awake?” Kevin asked.

“Mmmmm,” came Jessica’s sleepy reply, she rolled over in bed. And realised where she was, in Kevin’s bed, with him, and she’d been asleep. But she wasn’t wet, she hadn’t wet the bed, maybe she wasn’t a bedwetter after all. She turned towards Kevin, about to tell him, when she remembered the nappy. She reached down to feel it, and although she had little experience with nappies she could tell from the warm bulk of it that it was wet, she turned crimson with embarrassment. She was wet, she had wet the bed, she was a bedwetter. She was just a much drier bedwetter than usual.

“Did you sleep well?” Kevin asked, “Better than usual I bet.”

Jessica stayed silent, her tears falling onto Kevin’s bare chest, leaving a small puddle beneath her cheek.

“Hey, don’t get upset, there’s nothing to be upset about. Everything’s fine,” Kevin soothed, “Don’t cry, you’re okay, you’re safe here, there’s nothing to cry over.”

“I know, but I thought for a moment…” Jessica trailed off.

“Thought what?” Kevin prompted.

“I forgot what I was wearing, and I thought maybe I hadn’t, that maybe I’d been…” Jessica trailed off again, she knew what she wanted to say, but she couldn’t find the words.

“That you hadn’t wet the bed you mean?”

Kevin felt Jessica nod against him.

“But you haven’t, the bed’s still dry. And it doesn’t matter if you wet the nappy; it’s what it’s made for. You haven’t done anything wrong, you haven’t done anything to be upset or ashamed about. Isn’t it just nice not to have to get out of bed as soon as you wake up?”

“Yeah… it is better than usual, but… I know I didn’t do anything wrong, but it’s just that when I woke up I thought I’d really stayed dry. Then I remembered. And… it is something to be ashamed of. Normal teenagers don’t wet the bed, no one else has this problem.”

“That’s not true, it happens to loads of people, they just don’t talk about it. Any one of our friends could wet the bed, and keep it a secret in the same way you do. Just because you don’t know who else it happens to doesn’t mean you’re the only one.”

“You’re just saying that because you feel like you have to say something nice, but you know that most people stop wetting the bed when they’re kids.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s something to be ashamed of. Most people learn to walk when they’re toddlers, but surely you don’t think if somebody needs to use a wheelchair they should be ashamed?”

“No, but that’s different.”

“How is it different?” Kevin asked, “Bedwetting is a medical condition as much as anything else is, it’s just not talked about very openly, and it’s not obvious, it’s easy to hide, so you don’t realise how common it is. It’s not your fault, you can’t help it, how can you control what happens to you in your sleep? It’s no different to snoring or drooling in your sleep, sure, you’d rather it didn’t happen, but it’s not your fault that it does, and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. And hey, at least now you don’t have to wake up in a wet bed anymore.” He cupped Jessica’s face in his hands, kissing her lips softly.

Jessica kissed Kevin back, and let his hands find their way to her breasts. His hands continued to move down to her hips, and even when she knew they were touching the plastic waistband of her wet nappy she didn’t stop him, she knew now that Kevin was the person she wanted to lose her virginity to.

“Do you want me to stop?” Kevin whispered.

“Never,” Jessica kissed Kevin again, her hands moving down to, and then inside, his boxers. He was hard against her, and she gently took him in her hands.

Kevin slid a hand inside Jessica’s wet nappy, and was surprised when he felt her pull away.

“I’ll take it off.” She said, un-taping the sides of the nappy, folding it so that it was wrapped within itself.

“Just throw it down on the floor,” Kevin whispered, pulling Jessica’s pyjama top over her head. She lay naked before him, and he kissed her nipples lightly.

Kevin removed his own boxers, he took a condom from a drawer and Jessica took it from him, removing the coloured skin from it’s packet and gently sliding it onto his hard penis. He kissed her again, gently, before he allowed her to gently guide him inside of her.

*****

Jessica and Kevin shared a shower later that morning, she knew that he had been the right person to lose her virginity to. Nothing had changed between them, if anything their bond was stronger now than it had been before.

“You could stay over again tonight, if you wanted?” Kevin suggested to Jessica, as he gently shampooed her long hair, “We could go to the beach later, Tom, Kate, Dan and the others said they’d be there at about two. Then I could drive you back here? Sound good to you?”

“Yep, I’ve got nowhere I need to be anytime soon.” Jessica watched as Kevin’s smile grew, his whole face lighting up – she hadn’t realised before just how much having her stay with him, without having to make excuses as to why she couldn’t, meant to him. She didn’t like wearing the nappies, but she liked waking up dry, and she liked waking up next to Kevin, and if wearing them meant both were possible she would be happy to wear them until she grew out of the bedwetting.

*****

Jessica looked over at Kevin, who was still sleeping beside her, snoring softly. Since wearing a nappy that first time Jessica had been staying at Kevin’s house regularly, and Kevin had stayed at hers a few times as well, although as she didn’t have the luxury of a double bed both preferred staying at his house. At first she had been self-conscious of the nappies, but she knew Kevin accepted them, and she was beginning to accept them herself as well. And she loved the fact that now when she awoke in the mornings she could shut her eyes and drift back to sleep. She was so used to having to get out of bed as soon as she woke to shower and change the sheets, it was rare that she ever had a lie-in before the nappies.

The illuminated green numbers on Kevin’s digital clock said 4:37, Jessica felt the crotch of her nappy, it was warm and very swollen. She and Kevin had been out drinking earlier that night, and she had wet out the large quantities of alcohol in her system in her sleep. She knew that when she drank she was prone to more than one wetting, but didn’t think the nappy would hold another without leaking. She would have to change into a clean one.

Jessica slipped out of bed, and the shift in the bed woke Kevin, “Where are you going?” he mumbled groggily.

“I,” Jessica paused, she still couldn’t help but feel slightly uncomfortable talking about her nappies around Kevin, “I think I need to change my, my umm…”

Kevin sat up in bed, he didn’t wait for Jessica to finish her sentence, “Can I do it?”

“What?”

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to, I want to take care of you.”

“Umm, okay…” Jessica didn’t know what to say, she couldn’t imagine anybody actually wanting to change an adults nappy, but here was Kevin actively volunteering, “If, if you want to then I guess you can.”

“Come lie back on the bed,” Kevin ordered Jessica, and she obeyed. He kissed her quickly before getting out of the bed himself. He turned on his lamp, and then went over to his desk. It had 6 drawers in it, three on each side, and he had assigned the bottom right drawer to Jessica’s nappies. He pulled out a fresh one, and a box of baby wipes, before returning to her on the bed.

He leaned over her, pulled down her pyjama shorts and started to unfasten the tapes. Jessica felt slightly uncomfortable, she hadn’t been changed like this since she was a baby, which was so long ago she couldn’t even remember it. But she felt comfortable being naked around Kevin, and he seemed to be enjoying himself, she had started to notice that he really seemed to like playing the father figure when he was around her, he was never patronising or dominating, but he seemed to like caring for her. Tucking her into bed, washing her hair in the shower, and now changing her nappy.

Kevin wiped Jessica delicately, as if she were something precious, and she liked that. He slid the clean nappy under her, and he fastened the tapes securely. Jessica was impressed, he had done a better job than she did herself. “There you are baby,” he said, kissing Jessica’s belly just above the nappy’s waistband before pulling up her shorts, “All done.”

“Thank you,” Jessica didn’t really know what else to say, she had liked it, him changing her. Being cared for like that. But she didn’t want to say that to Kevin, she didn’t want Kevin to feel like he should be changing her every night. She knew he might have just offered to be nice, and that maybe having done it once he’d never want to do it again, and she certainly didn’t want him to feel like he ought to.

“I like caring for you,” Back in bed Kevin cuddled up against her, “Now go to sleep, I want to see that nappy nice and wet in the morning.”

*****

“You awake Jess?” Kevin asked.

“Ngmm” Jessica groaned beside him, “Barely.”

“Can I talk to you about something?”

“Yeah, what?”

“Promise me you’ll hear me out, listen to what I say?” Kevin asked.

“I promise,” Jessica assured him, “What is it? Are you okay?”

“Yeah yeah,” Kevin nodded, “Everything’s good. It’s just… last night. I really liked it when I, when you let me change you. I, really like seeing you in nappies, I mean, I really like it, y’know, it’s like a, sorta like a, a turn-on.”

Jessica didn’t say anything.

“It’s not why I suggested you wear them, don’t think I’ve been using you or anything, I haven’t been, I promise. I liked you before I knew you wet the bed, but… That time in the tent, that first time when you said you’d wet the bed it was so, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I kept thinking about being in that bed with you when you wet it, but then you seemed to hate it. Wetting the bed I mean. I thought maybe you were just too embarrassed to admit you liked it, but then when you came over and wouldn’t go to sleep I realised you didn’t like it. And I felt terrible, I really did. I didn’t mean to embarrass or upset you, I just kind of assumed you would like it, that you just needed me to show you it was okay. I felt so guilty when I realised I was wrong. But I still wanted to be able to share a bed with you, not because of the bedwetting, but because I, I love you Jess. And so I looked around on the internet, and I found a website which suggested buying nappies, and I didn’t know I would, y’know, find them a turn on. I just wanted you to be happy, I just thought if you wore them you might wake up happier. But as soon as I saw you in one it was such a turn-on, and I didn’t know it would be, but it was. And every time you put one on I want to be the one putting it on for you, I want to take care of you, I want to be the one looking after you, and, I feel like I should tell you this now, because I felt so bad after last night, after you let me change you, and I didn’t want you to think I was using you. I’m not, I never tried to get you to do anything you didn’t want to for me, I always put you first, I really did.” A solitary tear ran down Kevin’s nose, hanging from the tip for a split-second before falling.

Jessica didn’t know what to say, she hadn’t expected Kevin to come out with this. And she certainly hadn’t expected herself to like what he was saying. If someone had told her six months ago that she would end up going out with somebody who was turned on by her bedwetting she wouldn’t have believed that was possible. She wouldn’t have believed it was possible that anyone could find bedwetting anything other than disgusting, and even if she had, she wouldn’t have let somebody use her like that. But this was Kevin, he was different, he wasn’t using her, she knew that.

“I’m sorry,” Kevin said as Jessica’s silence started to become uncomfortable, “If you don’t want to see me anymore I’d understand.”

“Remember when I said if you hated me because of the bedwetting I’d understand?” Jessica asked, “You said I was being silly, that it didn’t matter. You’re being silly as well, I don’t not want to see you, of course I don’t want to stop seeing you. I just don’t know what to say. I liked it, last night, with you taking care of me. I just never thought bedwetting and nappies could be anything other than horrible. I never thought of it as anything else.”

“You don’t like it then?”

“I, I don’t know. I like wearing nappies, but maybe that’s just because I hate waking up wet.”

“So, you’d never wet the bed for me, with me there, in it?” Kevin asked, his eyes hopeful.

“I, umm,” Jessica didn’t want to say no to Kevin after he’d just spent so long explaining himself to her, even though she knew she wouldn’t enjoy it. She thought that maybe it wouldn’t be too bad though, if she was doing it for Kevin, “Maybe I could try it, I guess, if it’s what you want.”

“Really? You mean that?” Kevin looked like a little kid who’d just been told he was allowed to choose anything he wanted from a large, expensive toy shop, “Tonight?”

“Not tonight,” Jessica said, “I’ve got to go home tonight. Maybe tomorrow night.”

Kevin hugged Jessica tight, “I love you.” He said.

Jessica felt warm all over, she had thought he’d said he loved her earlier, but he’d been saying so much, and she’d been trying to take it all in, and she hadn’t been sure. “I love you to,” she said, and she smiled as she realised that she really meant it.

*****

Jessica had a knot in her stomach, she couldn’t sleep, she was too nervous. She had promised Kevin she would wet the bed with him in it, and she knew that now she would have to do it. There was no way around it. She would have to fall asleep, he wouldn’t believe her if she said she couldn’t, she knew that. And he wouldn’t get angry if she didn’t wet, but he’d be disappointed, and that would be worse. This would be her first night waking up in a wet bed since Kevin had first introduced her to nappies, over three weeks ago. She had bought her own supply for home, and had happily said goodbye to wet sheets forever. Or at least, she had thoughts so. But now she was lying in Kevin’s bed, the plastic sheet stretched across the mattress, and no nappy between her legs. And she knew when she woke up the next morning she would be wet, and that Kevin would be wet to. It made her cringe just thinking about it. She knew that he expected it, and she knew that it wasn’t any different to him removing her wet nappy, and yet it still scared her to think about it. It was still keeping her awake.

*****

Kevin woke up first the next morning; As soon as he awoke, still disorientated from sleep, he knew something was different. It took him a few seconds to realise that it was the unfamiliar dampness of the sheets, the warm urine slowly turning cold. Jessica, still asleep, had wet for him. He grew hard as he thought of her, wetting helplessly in her sleep, with no control over it.

He wanted to wake her up, and tell her what a bad girl she’d been. “Jessica, Jess, wake up,” he shook her gently, and she opened her eyes, “Look what you’ve done to my sheets, wetting the bed like a baby, you’ve been a very bad girl. Big girls don’t wet the bed, you need to be punished.” He was getting excited at the thought of the sex that they would have together in the very wet bed, he wondered if she might even wet it again for him, so he was shocked when Jessica burst into tears. He wondered if she was just playing along with him, but somehow he didn’t think she was, “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry,” Jessica sobbed, turning away from Kevin, unable to look him in the eye, “I, I thought you said you wanted me to.”

Kevin felt terrible, he hadn’t meant to upset Jessica, he’d just gotten carried away, “I did,” he said, “I didn’t meant anything I said, I was just pretending, I don’t mind, of course I don’t mind, I like it.”

“I don’t,” Jessica admitted in a small voice, “I feel so guilty.”

“Don’t be silly, I asked you to do it, don’t feel guilty for something I made you do.”

“But I, your sheets…”

“I don’t care about the sheets,” Kevin said, “But you really don’t like this, do you?”

Jessica shook her head, avoiding meeting Kevin’s eye.

“Shall we get you cleaned up then? How does a nice hot bath sound? I’ll run it for you…”

*****

A week after wetting his bed Jessica was back at Kevin’s house, she had spent the night at his house again, finally over her embarrassment of wetting the bed with him in it. He had put her into her nappy before bed, and she had even let him take a photograph of her in just a nappy and T-shirt with his digital camera. That morning when they had woken up, Jessica’s nappy soaked as usual, Kevin had helped her out of it and they had enjoyed the best sex either of them had ever experienced.

Now the two were relaxing in Kevin’s room, still half-naked and entangled on his bed, Damien Rice playing soothingly in the background. They were kissing passionately when Kevin’s fifteen-year-old brother, Connor burst in through the bedroom door, interrupting them.

“Get out.” Kevin shouted, “You know you’re not allowed in here.”

Connor stayed where he was, looking around the room. His eyes rested on Jessica’s wet, discarded nappy lying on the floor by the bed. Neither of them had bothered to fold it up and put it in the trash, too caught up in the sex and moments that had followed it. “Haha, your stupid bedwetter girlfriend pissed her nappy again.” He sneered, and turned to look Jessica in the eye, “I found all your nappies in Kevin’s drawers. I never met anyone over three who needed nappies before. Baby.”

Kevin turned a deep shade of puce and, his face dark with anger, he jumped up from the bed, lunging at his brother, “Why the fuck have you been looking in my room?” He pushed Connor to the ground, still shouting at him, and the two began to fight. Neither brother noticed when Jessica slipped out of the room, running out of the house in tears.

*****

After the incident with Connor Jessica ignored all of Kevin’s texts and calls, she couldn’t believe Kevin had told his brother her biggest secret. She knew Connor would be sure to tell all of his friends, and any of Kevin’s friends who came to the house, she would be the biggest laughing stock around. She felt so stupid, not just because she was nothing but a little bedwetter, but because she had trusted Kevin, who had obviously just been waiting for the right moment to embarrass her. Waiting until he knew she trusted him completely, and then humiliating her in front of everyone. She knew it would only be a matter of time before he told everyone, she couldn’t believe she’d let him take the photograph of her in just her nappy. She bet he would show it to everybody now, he probably couldn’t believe how perfectly his plan to humiliate her had worked.

Kevin had even called in at Jessica’s house a couple of times; her parents had been out on both occasions, and she had ignored the doorbell until he had gone away. She wished he would just give up and leave her alone, she didn’t ever want to see him again, she didn’t want to hear what he had to say. She just wanted him out of her life, and things to go back to the way they were before he ever knew that she was a bedwetter.

*****

Jessica was woken by her Mum knocking on her bedroom door, “Jessica sweetie, Kevin’s here to see you.”

“I don’t feel well,” Jessica lied, “Can you send him away?”

“Did you have an accident again last night?” Jessica’s Mum asked.

“No,” Jessica lied, her wet nappy bulging between her legs. Since Jessica had discovered nappies she had been wearing them at home, ordering them over the internet using her Switch/Solo card. Her mother had noticed the lack of wet sheets to be washed, and when she had asked Jessica about it Jessica had been far too embarrassed to admit to wearing nappies, and so had instead lied and said that she had just stopped wetting the bed. Her mother, having been told by numerous doctors that Jessica would eventually out-grow her night time accidents had found no reason to disbelieve Jessica’s lie, and had seemed so proud that Jessica couldn’t tell her the truth now and risk letting her down. Of course not being able to tell her parents that she was still bedwetting meant that Jessica couldn’t tell them that she had fallen out with Kevin, and so they were both under the impression that everything was fine between the young couple.

“Well, I’ll let him in quickly, he said he really needs to see you. It sounded important. And maybe he’ll help you to feel better.” Before Jessica could protest her Mum was calling down the stairs for Kevin to come up. Jessica heard her mother’s soft footsteps move down the stairs, followed by Kevin’s louder ones making their way up them.

*****

“Hey Jess.” Kevin stood nervously in the doorway, glancing at her quickly before looking away, unable to meet her eye.

Although since she had last seen Kevin, fighting with his brother, Jessica had tried to stay strong, avoiding crying over him and giving him the satisfaction of really hurting her, on seeing him again she couldn’t stop herself from breaking down in tears, “Go away,” she sobbed, “I don’t want to see you. You got what you wanted, can’t you just leave me alone now.”

Kevin looked hurt, “What do you mean I got what I wanted? Do you think I wanted this to happen?” he was crying now as well, “Do you really think that I wanted to hurt you? Of course I didn’t, I love you. I could have murdered Connor, I really could have. I didn’t tell him anything, I promise. I…” Kevin paused, as if he was unsure of whether to say what was coming next, “You might hate me for this, it is my fault, that he knows I mean. After you wet my bed I was washing the sheets, and…” he paused again, trying to find the words to say what he wanted, “My mum wanted to know why I was washing them, I never wash them, and I know I should have lied, I know I should have said we spilt a drink, or that it was me who wet the bed, but I told her the truth, not that I asked you to, I said it was an accident, I didn’t even think. I knew she wouldn’t say anything to anyone, I know she wouldn’t think it was a big deal, she’s a nurse, she deals with that kind of thing all the time. And she didn’t say anything, but…” he started to sob loudly, “Connor overheard, I didn’t know he had, not until after that morning he came in, but he overheard and snuck into my room and found the nappies. I didn’t know he knew, not until he burst into the room and said it, I really didn’t. I could’ve killed him after he said that, probably would have if Mum hadn’t come in and made me stop. She kicked me out and told me not to come back till the next day, she wouldn’t listen to what I tried to say, just made me get out there and then. Connor made up a whole load of lies about what happened. She believed him at first, but when I came back I told her what happened, and I think she realised Connor was lying. She went ballistic at Connor; he’s grounded for the rest of the summer, his pocket money has been stopped and he’s been given a list of chores as long as my arm to do while he’s home.” Kevin started to look guilty, “Mum’s swore his life won’t be worth living if he tells anyone else, but…” Kevin started to cry harder, he was sobbing so hard that he couldn’t finish what he was saying for several minutes, “Connor got my phone, afterwards, when I’d been kicked out, Mum didn’t give me a chance to get it, she just made me leave there and then… Anyway, he… he text a few people from my number, pretending to be me, and he… he, he told them about, y’know, your bedwetting…”

Jessica was mortified, she felt frozen to the spot, her blood running cold through her body. She couldn’t look at Kevin, couldn’t even turn her head in his direction. She wanted to speak, to shout at him to get out, that he had ruined her life, but she couldn’t, she couldn’t make a sound, the tears flowing silently, her body racked with huge, silent sobs. She was shaking, she didn’t know what to do, her secret was out, and she knew people would hate her for it. How could they not.

“It’s not as bad as you think though,” Kevin said, “I didn’t know he’d done it, but I got a whole load of texts from the people he told,”