Jessica
lay awake, she could hear Kevin’s heavy breathing beside her. He had
fallen asleep what seemed like hours ago, although Jessica knew it
probably hadn’t been more than half an hour since they’d climbed into
their sleeping bags.
Time always crept slowly when she was the only one awake. And it seemed
to be moving forwards even slower than usual tonight, perhaps because
there was nothing she could do to occupy herself. It was just the two of
them in the tent, and Jessica knew Kevin was a light sleeper. The night
before she had woken him several times, climbing in and out of the
tent, alternating between wandering around the maze of other tents and
sitting in her own tent listening to her iPod, all when she should have
been asleep.
This was the first festival Jessica had ever been to. It was only a small affair, she knew that it didn’t compare
to the larger festivals, Glastonbury, Reading and the others which made
newspaper and magazine headlines and had famous bands playing; this was
a local festival, free to all and consisting of only 2 fields. The one
field housed a handful of large tents which the bands, all local and
mainly made up of teens still in college who hadn’t yet given up on the
dream of making it big, performed in. They were joined by an assortment
of burger and chip vans and stalls selling various items, from
hand-weaved garden ornaments to legal and herbal drugs. The other field
was a sea of tents for the campers. Jessica’s tent was in a far corner
of the field, she and Kevin, plus a group of their friends, had arrived
early on Friday morning and set up camp before many other people had
been around. However, a steady stream of people had arrived throughout
Friday, and then throughout Saturday as well, and Jessica was glad that
their tent was in a corner where it could easily be found. It would have
been easy to lose her tent in the dark amongst all of the others,
especially during her late-night wanderings.
Jessica thought back to the night before, Friday night, she’d only
caught about an hours sleep. She, Kevin, and the large number of
friend’s they’d joined, had stayed up until the early hours of the
morning sitting around a campfire a group of the boys had made. They’d
drunk a large amount of alcohol between them, and had smoked quite a few
joints as well. When they had finally retired to their tents to sleep
Jessica didn’t allow herself to fall asleep right away, she’d lain awake
for about an hour, and when she found that difficult she’d taken a walk
outside, and when the cold proved too much for her
she’d returned to the tent and put on her iPod. She’d alternated
between the two activities, slipping outside when she was too sleepy in
the tent, and returning when she got too cold, until the iPod’s battery
ran out and she could see that the sun was beginning to rise. Jessica
had finally allowed herself some sleep then, knowing that she’d be woken
up by her friends within an hour or two.
However, on Saturday morning Kevin had complained that Jessica’s
constant unzipping and zipping of the tent doors to get in and out had
kept waking him up, and when Jessica pleaded insomnia Kevin had argued
that if she kept getting up of course she would never get to sleep.
Jessica knew she would have to stay put, inside her snug sleeping-bag,
tonight.
Jessica allowed her thoughts to travel back again, although her memory
of Saturday was hazy. She’d taken a few E’s at about midday. Her lack of
sleep had started to catch up with her, and as well as accentuating the
festival atmosphere she knew they would be guaranteed to keep her awake
throughout the day and into the evening. They had worked, Jessica’s day
had been amazing, and she’d had no trouble in staying awake.
However, now the post-E insomnia was wearing off, and Jessica was
finding it increasingly difficult to stay awake. She’d never had a
problem in staying awake all night, whenever there was a party or
sleepover Jessica would always stay awake for most of the night,
allowing herself at most an hour or two’s sleep. However, she wasn’t
usually faced with the problem of having to spend another night awake
straight after the first. When Kevin had asked her, at the last minute,
to come to the festival she’d thought it would be easy, she was used to
keeping herself awake, and so she hadn’t hesitated in saying yes.
Especially after Kevin had suggested they share a tent.
Jessica had liked Kevin for several months, and he had finally started
showing signs of liking her too. Whilst they’d been high earlier that
day they’d spent a large proportion of their time, away from their
friends and the bands, making out and, in-between kisses, talking and
connecting in that way people only can when high; opening up completely,
telling each other everything. Or almost everything. There were some
things Jessica didn’t share with anybody, not even at her most open.
Jessica hoped that it would lead to something more, that Kevin wouldn’t
just put the kisses down to them being high, but would see them as the
beginning of something beautiful. Jessica wanted to be with him, all of
the time, and she wanted, needed, him to feel the same.
*****
Blinking blearily, eyes groggy from sleep, Jessica tried to focus on the
face just inches from her own. She smiled to herself when she realised
it was Kevin, he was stroking her hair gently, having been watching her
sleep.
“Morning sleepy head, I wondered when you were going to wake up.” He looked deep into her eyes.
Jessica felt her whole body turn cold, fear replacing her blood, as the
realisation of what had happened hit her, hard. She had fallen asleep.
And now she had awoken. Wet. She had hidden this from everyone for her
entire life, in 18 years she had never had an accident around one of her
friends, she had always succeeded in staying awake all night. Why did
it have to happen now? Why did it have to happen in front of Kevin, how
would she hide this from him when he was lying less than a foot from
her?
“Sleep well?” Kevin asked.
Jessica nodded, she knew if she tried to speak she would burst into
tears. She had never felt so humiliated in all of her life, and that was
just from thinking about what was to come, she hadn’t even had to face
Kevin’s reaction to her soaked sleeping bag yet.
“Last day today,” Kevin said, “I reckon we’ll leave at about midday, I
don’t think much is going to be going on this morning, there’s no bands
playing or anything. We’ll check and see what everyone else is doing,
but if nothing’s happening I don’t think people will want to stick
around for too long.”
Jessica nodded, she still couldn’t say anything, she was choking up, how
could she avoid what was coming next? Her eyes were welling up with
tears, she couldn’t look at Kevin, she knew he would notice.
“Still,” he said, “It’s still early, we could stay in here, just the two
of us, for a while early. There’s no rush to get up and go.”
Why was he making this even more difficult, why was he prolonging it?
Did he know what had happened, perhaps he could smell her pee, maybe he
wanted to make this even more uncomfortable for her. Maybe he was hoping
that if he kept her in here long enough, unable to get up due to her
soaked trousers, their friends would come into the tent to find out what
they were doing. Maybe he was waiting to humiliate her in front of
everyone. Jessica had never really thought that he would be like that,
but she supposed you never could tell.
“Are you okay?” Kevin’s eyes appeared to be full of concern, “Hey, what’s wrong?”
Jessica couldn’t stop the tears from cascading down her cheeks, she felt
so helpless. Stuck inside a cold, wet, smelly sleeping-bag, with no
obvious way out that didn’t involve telling the boy that just a few
hours before she’d been imagining might become her boyfriend. There’s no
way he’d be interested in her once he found out her shameful secret.
Her horrible, dirty secret.
Kevin scrambled out of his sleeping bag to enable him to move closer to
Jessica and to wrap his arms around her, for a few minutes he didn’t say
anything, he just let her cry into his T-shirt. However, when her tears
showed no sign of subsiding he spoke, “Jessica? What’s wrong, it’s not
me is it? I haven’t upset you?”
Jessica shook her head, “No, it’s not you,” she managed to say between sobs.
“Is it someone else? Did someone say something to you yesterday?” Kevin asked.
“No, no-one’s done anything. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine,” Kevin said, “I can see you’re not okay, do you want to talk about it.”
Jessica didn’t answer, she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to
talk about it, she wanted it to go away, but she knew it wouldn’t, and
so she knew she would have to talk about it, she would have to say
something, sooner or later, because when she climbed out of her sleeping
bag it would be obvious to him, and it was worse that he found out that
way. And yet how could she explain it to him, how would she possibly
find the words to tell him that she wet the bed? That, in fact, she very
rarely had a dry night ever.
“I…” Jessica began, and then stopped. Her brain wasn’t connecting to her
tongue, she couldn’t find the words she needed to say, “It’s…” She
stopped again.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Kevin said.
Jessica wished that were true, but she knew that this would be the
slightly less humiliating way for him to find out. She just hoped that
when he found out, and vowed never to speak to her again, he would do it
quietly and without telling everybody else.
“I do, have to tell you.” Jessica said.
Kevin’s face paled, “It is about me, isn’t it. I’ve done something
wrong. Shit, I’m sorry, I can’t even remember what we did yesterday
properly, but I overstepped the mark didn’t I? I didn’t force you into
anything did I, oh shit, what did I do? What happened, I’m so sorry. I
just… I’ve liked you for so long, Jess, and I’ve always been too scared
to tell you, I mean I’d hate to wreck our friendship, but I’ve done that
haven’t I? I got carried away yesterday, what did I do? Shit, I’m so
sorry.”
He was making it even harder to tell him the truth, now she knew that he
definitely liked her it was going to be even harder when he realised
what a disgusting little kid she was. “It’s nothing you’ve done,”
Jessica said, “I enjoyed yesterday. A lot. But… I, I don’t think
you’ll,” Jessica bit her lip, she’d never found it so hard to speak
before. “You won’t… You’re not going to like me after I tell you this.”
Kevin took Jessica’s hand, “Don’t be stupid, you can’t have done
anything that terrible.” He tucked a stray lock of Jessica’s long, dark
hair behind her ear.
“No, but… I’ll understand if you hate me after I tell you this.” Jessica
said, she had the crying under control now, but she still didn’t know
how to tell Kevin, she was procrastinating, and she knew it.
“I won’t hate you, I promise. Just tell me what it is.”
Jessica looked away from Kevin, she couldn’t face looking at him, seeing
his reaction when she admitted her secret. She felt her face grow red,
hot and prickly as she tried to tell him what had happened, “I, I…
I’ve,” Jessica paused, she picked at a loose thread on her sleeping bag,
and the tears started to fall again, looking down Jessica managed to
say in a tiny voice, “I, I wet the bed.” Jessica felt as if time was
standing still, there, she’d uttered the words. She’d said it.
Kevin let out a loud laugh, and then his hand flew to his mouth, “Shit,
sorry. I wasn’t laughing at you, it’s just… shit, I thought you were
going to tell me something awful, I thought you’d… I don’t know what I
thought you’d done. But I wasn’t laughing at you, I promise I wasn’t
laughing at you, but I was just so… so relieved I guess, that it wasn’t
something awful.” He took Jessica’s hand again, “Don’t feel embarrassed
about it, it doesn’t matter, it’s no big deal. Happens to people all the
time, there’s no need to get upset. I don’t like to see you cry.”
Jessica didn’t know what to say, she knew it was a cliché, but she felt
as if a huge weight had been lifted off of her. She didn’t care that
Kevin had laughed, he didn’t mind, he didn’t hate her; he didn’t think
she was disgusting, and that was all that mattered.
“I’ll leave you to sort yourself out,” Kevin said, “There aren’t any
showers here, but Lucy brought some baby wipes, she said they’re a
festival essential, do you want me to ask if you can borrow them? I
won’t tell her why.”
Jessica nodded, “Thanks,”
*****
“Can I come back in yet?” Kevin was outside the tent.
“Yeah, okay.” Jessica replied, she had cleaned herself up with the
baby-wipes and gotten into some dry clothes. She knew she couldn’t put
her wet sleeping bag or clothes out in the sun to dry without it being
obvious to everybody why, and so she had just put the sleeping bag, with
the wet clothes inside it, into it’s bag. She would wash them when she
got home.
“You okay?” Kevin asked as he climbed into the tent, “All sorted?”
Jessica nodded.
Kevin moved over to Jessica and put his arm around her, “You know you
really didn’t have to be scared of telling me, it doesn’t bother me.
Does it happen a lot? Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that… You don’t have
to talk about this if you don’t want to. Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Jessica said. She had never confided in a friend about her
bedwetting problem before, and although it was embarrassing, now Kevin
had accepted it she thought talking about it might be a good thing. She
had, over the years, attached a lot of negative emotions to the problem.
Since the age of five her parents had taken her to countless numbers of
doctors and specialists regarding her bedwetting, and they had all said
that there was no obvious reason for it. She’d tried every treatment
suggested, but all to no avail. And although Jessica’s parents were very
supportive about it, and never made Jessica feel that it was her own
fault, she still felt that somehow it must be.
When, in her mid-teens, Jessica still hadn’t grown out of the
bedwetting, as the doctors had promised she would, Jessica had begun to
feel inferior to her peers. This didn’t happen to any of her friends,
yet it happened to her, every night. And the bedwetting made it hard for
Jessica to make close friends. Whenever she was invited to anything
that involved spending a night away from home Jessica had to say no. Her
parents were sympathetic to Jessica’s problem, and where possible they
would pick her up from friends houses late at night so that she didn’t
have to miss out on too much, but Jessica knew that her friends thought
her strange for never staying over, and she knew that when she went home
she left them free to talk about her. And even if they didn’t gossip
about her when she wasn’t there, Jessica had read enough books to know
that she was missing out on the best part of a sleepover, the games of
truth or dare, the confessions and secrets spilled when the light were
off, the bonding sessions which turned good friends into best friends.
It wasn’t until, aged sixteen, she started at the local sixth-form
college, and made new friends, that Jessica allowed herself to spend the
night away from home. She never allowed herself to fall asleep though,
she became a master at keeping herself awake even when everybody else
had fallen asleep. This was made even easier when she was introduced to
drugs such as Ecstasy and Speed, which ensured that everybody stayed up
all night. However, although through not having to miss out on parties,
gatherings and sleepovers Jessica no longer felt as if she were missing
out, she still felt inferior as compared to her friends. She’d never
mentioned it to any of them because she had been convinced that nobody
would be able to accept her as a sixteen, seventeen, and now
eighteen-year-old bed wetter. But now Kevin had accepted it, and she was
finally being offered the opportunity to talk about her problem. As
embarrassing as it was, she knew that it would perhaps be better for her
to talk to Kevin about it now, rather than to shrug off his questions,
and lose the opportunity forever,
“If it’s not okay just say,” Kevin could feel Jessica’s discomfort,
“It’s none of my business. I shouldn’t have brought it up again.”
“No, it’s fine. I just, I’ve never told anybody before. I’ve never
talked about it before. I thought people would hate me if they found
out.”
“Don’t be silly, it’s not a big deal. It doesn’t change who you are, no real friends would care about it.”
“You don’t know that, it’s easy for you to say it’s no big deal, you’re
not the one waking up in… it doesn’t happen to you every night.” Jessica
couldn’t bring herself to say the words ‘wet sheets’ out loud. As long
as the two of them continued to refer to the bedwetting as ‘it’ Jessica
could still slightly disassociate herself from it, she could still
pretend that none of this was quite real.
“Is that why you were in and out of the tent so much on Friday night? So you didn’t fall asleep?”
Jessica nodded.
“It happens every night?”
Jessica nodded again, looking down at her hands. “Pretty much.”
“But… how… you knew this was going to happen? Surely you didn’t think you could stay awake for two nights running?”
“I don’t know, I didn’t think about it that much. You didn’t really give
me time to think twice, and I always manage one night fine. I didn’t
think it would be that hard.” Explained Jessica.
“Two nights is a long time without sleep, especially here. No-one could
have stayed awake for all that time, not after using up all of their
energy during the day. But anyway, it doesn’t matter now, like I said
it’s not big deal and I promise I won’t tell anyone. Now, shall we go
and see what everyone else is up to out there?”
*****
Jessica lay in bed, smiling as she thought of the events of the previous
two week. Since the festival, and the embarrassing bedwetting incident,
things between her and Kevin were fantastic. He has asked her out on
the Tuesday following the festival weekend, and Jessica had of course
said yes. Jessica couldn’t believe her luck, they hadn’t properly spoken
about it again, but she knew that he accepted it. She had never been
able to build lasting relationships with boys before, she always broke
up with her boyfriends before it became too serious, or before she
allowed herself to fall for them too hard, because she knew that if it
became serious there was the likelihood that he would want them to spend
a night together, and Jessica was terrified by the thought of wetting
the bed with someone else in it. But she knew that with Kevin she didn’t
have to worry about that, of course he would never want them to spend a
night together, but at least she wouldn’t have to explain to him why it
couldn’t happen. It was already established, and he didn’t seem to
mind.
In fact Jessica’s bedwetting seemed to interest Kevin more than it
disgusted him. He had brought it up several times since Jessica had
first told him about it, although Jessica was still not comfortable with
talking about it and so his attempts to start a conversation about it
never went anywhere. Jessica knew that sooner or later she would have to
properly talk about it again, but she wasn’t ready for that yet. She
wanted to take things slowly with Kevin, she still wasn’t convinced that
he had fully accepted the bedwetting, although he thought he didn’t
mind she wondered if he would feel the same way when he realised it
meant she wouldn’t stay at his house or share a bed with him.
*****
Kevin and Jessica were lying on his bed, fingers intertwined, they had
been together for over a month now, and Kevin was keen to move things
forward.
“You could stay over tonight, if you wanted to.” He suggested to Jessica.
Jessica grew red, she had thought he understood that she wouldn’t stay over, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Then could I stay at yours?”
“I don’t know…” Jessica knew she would rather he stayed at her house
than stay at his, she had two single beds in her room, whilst he had
just one double, but she still wasn’t sure. Of course she would be able
to stay awake all night, she knew that, and it would be easy at her own
house where she didn’t have to worry about moving around the house in
the middle of the night. And she thought she might be ready to take
their relationship a step further, having never allowed herself to get
this close to a boy before she was still a virgin, and she wondered if
she was ready for sex yet.
“I don’t want to push you into anything you’re not ready for,” Kevin
said, “But you don’t have anything to hide from me, at least think about
it.”
“Okay,” Jessica nodded.
“You mean you’ll let me stay over?”
Jessica had meant that she’d think about it, but Kevin looked so pleased
that she’d said yes that she didn’t want to disappoint him. And she
knew she could easily stay awake, “Okay, I’ll ask my parents if you can
stay over.”
“When?” Kevin asked, “This weekend?”
“Okay” Jessica agreed, “They might say no though. Don’t get your hopes
up too much.” She knew her parents would say yes, they liked Kevin, and
they had always let her older sister have boyfriends stay over, but
Jessica thought she could perhaps lie to Kevin and tell them they had
said no. Although she didn’t really want to lie to him, and some of her
thought it might be nice to have Kevin stay over. It would be nice to
spend a long period of time together, she liked the late-night
conversations you could have with someone when you were both lying in
bed with the lights off. And she knew she could stay awake all night,
perhaps having him stay over would be a nice thing.
*****
And so the next weekend Kevin came to stay at Jessica’s house. They
spent the evening lying on her bed, wrapped around each other, but not
getting much past kissing. Jessica was too worried about her parents
walking in to let them go further, even though they both wanted to.
“I guess I’ll be sleeping on the other bed?” Kevin asked.
“Yeah, is that okay?” Jessica checked, though she had no intention of letting him share with her.
Kevin moved closer to Jessica, holding her close. “I’d rather be here
next to you, but being across the room from you is the next best thing.”
Jessica was glad he wasn’t trying to persuade her to let him sleep in
her bed, he had a way of making her say yes to things when she wasn’t
quite sure about them; she hated saying no to him.
*****
“Jessica, are you okay?”
Jessica was surprised to see Kevin standing behind her, “Yeah, fine. I thought you were asleep?”
“I’m a light sleeper, I heard you get up, what are you doing down here?”
Jessica had lain in bed until she heard Kevin’s breathing turn heavy,
and then she’d slipped out of bed and downstairs into the living room.
She was flicking through the channels on the TV, looking to see if
anything worth watching was on. “I couldn’t sleep.”
Kevin sat down on the sofa next to Jessica, moving close to her, he wrapped an arm around her, “Did you even try?”
Jessica didn’t say anything.
“This is about the bedwetting, isn’t it?” Kevin felt Jessica stiffen in
his arms, he took her hand, gently stroking her fingers, “You know you
don’t have to hide from me? I like you just the way you are, Jess. I
don’t want you to feel like you can’t relax when I’m here. You don’t
have to stay up all night,” He stroked her face gently, “Get some sleep,
what happens happens, it isn’t your fault and I’m not going to judge
you on it. It didn’t bother me in the tent; it’s not going to bother me
now. I’ll give you your privacy in the morning. It’s not good for you to
stay up all night. Come on.” He led her by the hand back upstairs and
to her bedroom.
*****
Kevin watched Jessica get back into bed, “Here, I’ll even tuck you in.”
he tucked the sheets in around her, and kissed her on the forehead, “You
be a good girl now and go to sleep.”
Jessica giggled, “You’re not my Dad you know!”
Kevin chuckled, “Sorry, but promise me you’ll get some sleep?”
Jessica nodded, “Okay, I promise. Thank you, Kevin.”
“That’s no problem, you ready for me to turn the light off now?”
*****
Jessica awoke the next morning to the familiar feeling of cold, damp
pyjamas and sheets. She was about to jump out of bed and get cleaned up
when she remembered that Kevin was lying in the bed next to her. Her
skin prickled crimson, she hadn’t meant to fall asleep, she was planning
on lying in bed for a while until she thought Kevin’s sleep was deep
enough that her getting up wouldn’t wake him, but she must have drifted
off. She looked over at Kevin; at least he still seemed to be asleep.
She climbed out of bed quietly and made her way to the bathroom for a
shower.
Once showered Jessica wrapped a towel around herself and made her way
back to her bedroom, she glanced over at Kevin. He still appeared to be
asleep; she hoped he wouldn’t wake whilst she changed her sheets. She
got dressed quickly, and then Jessica stripped her bed and took the wet
sheets into the bathroom, where she picked up her wet pyjamas and took
the damp bundle downstairs to the washing machine. With her sheets and
pyjamas spinning inside the machine Jessica went back upstairs, and
opened the door to the airing cupboard on the landing, where she took
out a clean sheet. She went back to the bathroom and filled a bucket
with warm soapy water. She picked up a sponge and an old-looking towel
and went back into her bedroom.
She dipped the sponge into the water, and wiped down her waterproof
sheet. She dried it off with the towel before putting the clean sheet on
top of it. She made the bed, and thought that perhaps Kevin would think
she hadn’t wet the bed at all. However, when she turned around to take
the bucket of water out of her bedroom she caught him watching her. She
quickly left the room to conceal her embarrassment, and waited a few
moments before shyly going back into her room to face Kevin.
“Come here,” Kevin gestured to the bed, and waited for Jessica to climb
in with him, “Thank you, for going to sleep last night. I know you
didn’t want to, and I don’t want to make you do anything you don’t want
to, but… I want you to know that bedwetting doesn’t bother me, and that
you don’t have to be worried about me seeing it. And… I guess I just
appreciate the fact that you kept your promise, and went to sleep, I
didn’t know if you would. I thought maybe you wouldn’t trust me, but you
did, so thanks for that.” And with that Kevin showed his gratitude with
a long, slow kiss.
*****
The following Thursday Jessica was at Kevin’s house, he lived just a
five minute walk from their sixth-form college, and so Jessica would
often spend her free-periods there, and frequently spent the evenings
there after college. Kevin, who had passed his driving test just a
couple of months after his seventeenth birthday, would then give
Jessica, who lived over 5 miles out of town, a lift home in his car.
“There’s a gig on at The Marble tomorrow night,” Kevin told Jessica, The
Marble was a local club which often held small gigs, where three or
four local bands could play for their peers, “Charlie and Jason’s band
is playing, I was thinking maybe we could go watch them. I’d like to see
them play”
“Oh, I don’t know if I can. My Dad’s going to some leaving do with
people from work, he wouldn’t be able to take me home, and you know
there aren’t any buses back to mine.”
“That’s okay, you can stay at mine.” Kevin suggested, “In fact I won’t
take no for an answer, you’ve said before you’d like to see their band
play.”
“But… you know why I can’t stay with you.”
“And I’ve told you before, there are no reasons why you can’t stay with
me. You can’t sleep on your own for your whole life, I’m not going to
make you do anything you don’t want to, I’ve said that before.”
*****
Jessica didn’t sleep well on Thursday night; she couldn’t stop worrying
about spending the following night at Kevin’s. She could hardly
concentrate at all through college on Friday. Even at The Marble,
fuelled with alcohol and watching her friends’ band, Dirty Pigeon
Strokers, Jessica couldn’t quite relax. The knot in her stomach was
getting tighter and tighter as the end of the night grew closer and
closer.
As they walked back to Kevin’s house from The Marble Kevin could sense
that something was wrong, “Are you okay? Are you cold, do you want my
jacket?”
“No, I’m fine, just a bit tired, and drunk.”
Kevin laughed, “I noticed you couldn’t walk straight. It’s not far now though, we’ll have you tucked up in bed in no time.”
Jessica didn’t like to say that that was the problem. Although she knew
that she could stay awake all night, she also knew that if she didn’t
she’d wake up in Kevin’s bed. Not only would she humiliate herself by
wetting the bed, she would also ruin his mattress, and wet on him as
well. She didn’t think he’d be so understanding after that.
*****
Back at Kevin’s house the couple crept into the house, careful not to
wake his parents or younger brother, They went up to Kevin’s room, “Do
you need to go to the bathroom or anything?”
Jessica nodded, and fetched her toothbrush from the bag she’d left at
Kevin’s earlier in the day. When she returned from the bathroom Kevin
was already in his large double bed.
“I guess I ought to go and clean my teeth to,” he jumped out of bed,
“You won’t want to kiss me if I stink of beer. You make yourself
comfortable.”
Jessica got into his bed, and she was surprised to hear the familiar
crinkle of a waterproof sheet, she knew it had never been on his bed
before. Had he bought one for her benefit? Was he expecting her to
sleep, and wet, with him in the bed next to him? Maybe he was planning
on sleeping on the floor, but when he returned from the bathroom he
climbed into bed next to her. He wrapped his arms around her and they
snuggled down over the duvets, her head resting on his chest.
“Goodnight Jess, sleep well, okay.”
“Night Kev,” Jessica said, though she knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep that night. She would have to keep herself awake.
*****
Jessica squirmed again in the bed, the pressure was building on her
bladder, the alcohol she had drunk earlier in the evening had worked
it’s way through her system, and was desperate to escape her body.
Kevin, fast asleep and snoring gently, still had his arms around her; it
would be impossible for her to move without disturbing him. She didn’t
want to wake him, but she knew she didn’t have much choice. She moved a
hand down to her crotch, and squeezed in-between her legs, clenching her
muscles again. She would have to get up soon before she peed in his
bed; barely acceptable when she was asleep she knew it certainly wasn’t
acceptable if she was awake.
Jessica took a deep breath, and quickly got out of Kevin’s bed, he
groaned as she moved him, disturbing his sleep, but she didn’t stop to
see if he had awoken. She rushed to the toilet, and only just made it in
time, a few droplets or urine dampening her underwear.
Jessica figured that Kevin would have rolled over and gone back into a
deep sleep, and so instead of going back to bed and disturbing him again
she crept downstairs. It felt strange tiptoeing around Kevin’s house so
late at night, alone, with his family all asleep upstairs. She went
into the kitchen, flicking on the lights and blinking several times.
When her eyes had to adjusted to the brightness Jessica looked at the
clock on the wall, 4:35. It was only two hours since she’d gotten to
Kevin’s house after the gig, why did time always appear to stop when she
was the only one awake?
“Jessica, why did you get up? Come back to bed.”
Jessica jumped when she heard Kevin’s voice behind her, “I, I just got
up to go to the toilet. I didn’t mean to wake you, sorry.”
“That’s okay, come on, you’ll be tired all day tomorrow if you don’t get
enough sleep.” He turned and started walking back to his room,
gesturing for Jessica to follow.
*****
Jessica didn’t get up again in the night, she lay in bed, Kevin asleep
beside her, but she didn’t let herself sleep. She was pleased that the
sun started to rise just after 5am, and as light shone through Kevin’s
thin curtains she was able to busy her mind examining the various
posters adorning his walls.
*****
“I think I’m going to ring my parents to come and pick me up now,”
Jessica told Kevin shortly after ten the next morning. The two were
sprawled out across the grass in his back garden, the heavy June sun
beating down on them.
“I told you I’d take you home later, I’ve got to go and see Nick, your house is practically on the way to his.”
“I know, but I think I’d rather go home now instead of hanging around here, I have a bit of a headache, and I’m kind of tired.”
And whose fault is that?“ Kevin asked.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You didn’t sleep at all last night, if you don’t sleep of course you’re
going to be tired. I bet you didn’t even try to sleep, did you?”
“Of course I didn’t,” Jessica was raising her voice, “You say you
understand this, but you don’t. If I’d gone to sleep last night, the
bedwetting, it’s not just sometimes. I can’t turn it off. If I go to
sleep then it happens, every night. I couldn’t have gone to sleep last
night, I would have wet your bed.” Tears pricked Jessica’s eyes, her
voice wavering.
“I know, but I do understand, and I’ve told you it doesn’t bother me. I
wouldn’t say I didn’t mind if I did, but you don’t listen when I say I
accept it as part of you, you don’t trust me.”
“I do trust you, this isn’t about trust. It’s about me not wanting to wet your bed, especially not when you’re in it.”
“But I’ve told you, I wouldn’t mind.”
“I don’t care if you don’t mind, I mind!” Jessica shouted, “Do you have
any idea how embarrassing it is to be eighteen-years-old and still wake
up wet every single morning? Do you have any idea how hard it is to even
think about talking about it to people, let alone having people see it?
You don’t realise how ashamed it makes me feel that this even exists. I
couldn’t do it, Kevin, I couldn’t go to sleep and wet your bed and then
have to face you in the morning. I can’t even look you in the eye when
we’re talking about it, how would I ever look at you again if I knew I’d
peed on you? I couldn’t do it. It would be too humiliating. I hate
myself for this, and how do I know that if it happened you won’t hate me
to.” Jessica broke down, crying loud, deep sobs.
Kevin’s eyes were filling with tears as well; he hated seeing Jessica
this upset, and hated to know it was mainly his fault even more. He put
his arm around her, cuddling her close, “Shhh, shhh, it’s okay, I’m
sorry. I shouldn’t have tried to push you into anything, I didn’t
realise you felt like that. I thought I was making it easier, not
harder. I wish you’d told me this sooner,” he wiped away Jessica’s tears
from her cheek with his index finger, “But you know I wouldn’t have
woken up hating you if you had gone to sleep and wet last night. I know
you can’t help it. And hey, we could have had a nice hot, steamy shower
together this morning.”
Jessica didn’t say anything, but her sobs began to subside.
“Do you want me to take you home?” Kevin asked.
Jessica nodded, “If you don’t mind. I didn’t mean to shout at you, but... I just need some sleep.”
“I know, don’t worry. We can talk about everything another time, when
you’re not tired and I’m not hungover. Neither of us is in a great mood
right now. You go get your stuff and I’ll find my car keys.”
*****
“Jess, I’ve been thinking,” Kevin passed the joint he’d been toking to
Jessica; “We’ve been together over two months now.” June had passed, and
it was mid-July already. College had ended for the summer, and both had
finally sat their last exams, now over 7 weeks of summer freedom lay
ahead of them.
Jessica inhaled the harsh smoke, and let the effects of the weed wash
over her, she lay back and let the warmth from the sun rest on her face.
“I know?”
“I was wondering, do you think you’re ready to come stay with me again yet?”
Jessica opened her mouth to protest, but Kevin stopped her.
“Just hear me out, I kept thinking about what you were saying, about why
you couldn’t sleep if I was there with you. And I saw your point, I
wouldn’t mind if you wet and I was there, but I understand why you don’t
want to. So I was thinking, and I looked around on the internet, and
y’know you can get nappies, in adult sizes, and if you wore one when you
stayed at mine you wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore.”
Jessica felt her skin prickle red hot with embarrassment, she didn’t
know what to say, she felt awash with shame. No guy should have to
suggest that his eighteen-year-old girlfriend went back into nappies.
Nappies were for babies, wearing one in front of Kevin would be even
more humiliating than wetting his bed. “I’m not a baby,” she said in a
small voice, “I can’t wear a nappy.”
“But you can. I know it sounds horrible and babyish, but it’s not. It’s
just a sensible solution to a problem. No one would know but me, and it
would be nicer for you. You wouldn’t wake up cold and wet, and you could
stay at mine and actually go to sleep, and you can just pretend that it
doesn’t exist.”
“But it will exist, it will exist and it’ll be worse. How can you take
me seriously if I’m wearing nappies like a fucking baby, it’s even worse
to wear nappies than it is to wet the bed.”
“It’s exactly the same,” Kevin pointed out, “I don’t mean that in a
cruel way, but why does it matter if you wet the bed or wet a nappy?
Surely waking up to a dry bed’s better than waking up to a wet one? And I
promise I won’t even mention it, you can just get changed in the
morning and it’ll be like I don’t even know.”
“But you will know.” Jessica interrupted.
“I already know,” he said softly, “Just think about it, I’ll buy them
for you and everything. Just try it, come stay at my house on Friday
night, please? We’ll go out to The Marble first, loads of people are
gonna be there. It’ll be good, please?”
“Okay,” Jessica agreed, somewhat reluctantly. She wasn’t at all sure
about wearing nappies, she’d been in them for her bedwetting until the
age of six, and she remembered hating them. Her older sister had teased
her mercilessly for still needing to wear nappies, and so Jessica had
refused to wear them any longer. She vaguely remembered the transition
from waking up to a dry bed to waking up in a wet one, and how for
months afterwards she had longed for her parents to put her back into
nappies, but they never had. And then Jessica had put the thought into
the back of her mind, she hadn’t considered nappies at all past the age
of seven, not until Kevin brought it up anyway.
*****
“Umm, I, I, look under the bed. I got the, umm, I got the, y’know, the
nappies for you,” Kevin stuttered nervously, he seemed to be almost as
embarrassed as Jessica was, “Do you want me to leave you to put one on?”
Jessica nodded. When Kevin had left the room she looked under the bed,
where she was met with a large, unopened packet of Tena Maxi nappies.
She tore open the packaging, and took out a nappy. It had a soft plastic
backing, which had a somehow nostalgic scent to it. Jessica fingered
the nappy, touching the comfortable padding inside, running her index
finger and thumb along the pleated leg cuffs,. Excitement rose within
her at the thought of putting it on, she pulled off her trousers and
knickers, and lay down on Kevin’s bedroom floor. She slid the nappy
under her, and pulled it up between her legs. She remembered the way her
mother had changed her when she was younger, she remembered how
comforting it had been to have somebody else take control of her
bedwetting problem, and a wave of longing washed over her. She fastened
the tapes of the nappy, she was slightly drunk, and very out of
practise, but she didn’t do a bad job. She took a pair of baby-pink
shortie pyjamas from her overnight bag, pulling the cotton shorts over
her padded bottom she realised that they did nothing to conceal the
nappy. The nappy’s waistband rose high above that of the shorts, and the
pyjamas’ top rested a good inch above the waistband of the shorts, her
nappy visible and obvious.
“Can I come in now?” Kevin called from behind his door.
“Yeah, okay.” Jessica pushed the packet of nappies back under his bed
with her foot, and went to climb into it before Kevin saw how obvious
her nappy was.
Before she had a chance to get into the bed Kevin had his arms around
her, she turned to face him, and the two embraced in a long kiss. They
slid into bed. “Thank you,” Kevin whispered, his hands sliding down to
Jessica’s nappy, stroking the waistband.
Jessica pushed his hands away, embarrassed. “You said, you… not tonight.”
“Sorry, it’s just, you’re so beautiful. I’ve wanted you for so long, and
now I finally have you. It’s hard not to get carried away.” He had his
arm around her, and he held her close, “But it’s okay, I can wait.” He
kissed her forehead, “I’ll wait for as long as you want, we never have
to do anything you’re not ready for.”
“Thanks,” Jessica stroked his bare chest with her fingers, “I will be
ready, but one step at a time. This, right now, is a big thing for me. I
know it seems small and insignificant, and I know I sound silly, but…”
“Shhh, you don’t sound silly. I understand, I understand completely. You just concentrate on getting to sleep tonight.”
*****
Jessica, still half-asleep, cuddled up to Kevin, she felt safe in his
arms, curled up close. He was awake, gently running his fingers through
her hair, across her cheek, down her neck, stroking her collarbone,
moving down past her shoulders, along her arm and to her fingers. He
took her hand in his, and she stirred slightly.
“You awake?” Kevin asked.
“Mmmmm,” came Jessica’s sleepy reply, she rolled over in bed. And
realised where she was, in Kevin’s bed, with him, and she’d been asleep.
But she wasn’t wet, she hadn’t wet the bed, maybe she wasn’t a
bedwetter after all. She turned towards Kevin, about to tell him, when
she remembered the nappy. She reached down to feel it, and although she
had little experience with nappies she could tell from the warm bulk of
it that it was wet, she turned crimson with embarrassment. She was wet,
she had wet the bed, she was a bedwetter. She was just a much drier
bedwetter than usual.
“Did you sleep well?” Kevin asked, “Better than usual I bet.”
Jessica stayed silent, her tears falling onto Kevin’s bare chest, leaving a small puddle beneath her cheek.
“Hey, don’t get upset, there’s nothing to be upset about. Everything’s
fine,” Kevin soothed, “Don’t cry, you’re okay, you’re safe here, there’s
nothing to cry over.”
“I know, but I thought for a moment…” Jessica trailed off.
“Thought what?” Kevin prompted.
“I forgot what I was wearing, and I thought maybe I hadn’t, that maybe
I’d been…” Jessica trailed off again, she knew what she wanted to say,
but she couldn’t find the words.
“That you hadn’t wet the bed you mean?”
Kevin felt Jessica nod against him.
“But you haven’t, the bed’s still dry. And it doesn’t matter if you wet
the nappy; it’s what it’s made for. You haven’t done anything wrong, you
haven’t done anything to be upset or ashamed about. Isn’t it just nice
not to have to get out of bed as soon as you wake up?”
“Yeah… it is better than usual, but… I know I didn’t do anything wrong,
but it’s just that when I woke up I thought I’d really stayed dry. Then I
remembered. And… it is something to be ashamed of. Normal teenagers
don’t wet the bed, no one else has this problem.”
“That’s not true, it happens to loads of people, they just don’t talk
about it. Any one of our friends could wet the bed, and keep it a secret
in the same way you do. Just because you don’t know who else it happens
to doesn’t mean you’re the only one.”
“You’re just saying that because you feel like you have to say something
nice, but you know that most people stop wetting the bed when they’re
kids.”
“That doesn’t mean it’s something to be ashamed of. Most people learn to
walk when they’re toddlers, but surely you don’t think if somebody
needs to use a wheelchair they should be ashamed?”
“No, but that’s different.”
“How is it different?” Kevin asked, “Bedwetting is a medical condition
as much as anything else is, it’s just not talked about very openly, and
it’s not obvious, it’s easy to hide, so you don’t realise how common it
is. It’s not your fault, you can’t help it, how can you control what
happens to you in your sleep? It’s no different to snoring or drooling
in your sleep, sure, you’d rather it didn’t happen, but it’s not your
fault that it does, and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. And hey, at
least now you don’t have to wake up in a wet bed anymore.” He cupped
Jessica’s face in his hands, kissing her lips softly.
Jessica kissed Kevin back, and let his hands find their way to her
breasts. His hands continued to move down to her hips, and even when she
knew they were touching the plastic waistband of her wet nappy she
didn’t stop him, she knew now that Kevin was the person she wanted to
lose her virginity to.
“Do you want me to stop?” Kevin whispered.
“Never,” Jessica kissed Kevin again, her hands moving down to, and then
inside, his boxers. He was hard against her, and she gently took him in
her hands.
Kevin slid a hand inside Jessica’s wet nappy, and was surprised when he felt her pull away.
“I’ll take it off.” She said, un-taping the sides of the nappy, folding it so that it was wrapped within itself.
“Just throw it down on the floor,” Kevin whispered, pulling Jessica’s
pyjama top over her head. She lay naked before him, and he kissed her
nipples lightly.
Kevin removed his own boxers, he took a condom from a drawer and Jessica
took it from him, removing the coloured skin from it’s packet and
gently sliding it onto his hard penis. He kissed her again, gently,
before he allowed her to gently guide him inside of her.
*****
Jessica and Kevin shared a shower later that morning, she knew that he
had been the right person to lose her virginity to. Nothing had changed
between them, if anything their bond was stronger now than it had been
before.
“You could stay over again tonight, if you wanted?” Kevin suggested to
Jessica, as he gently shampooed her long hair, “We could go to the beach
later, Tom, Kate, Dan and the others said they’d be there at about two.
Then I could drive you back here? Sound good to you?”
“Yep, I’ve got nowhere I need to be anytime soon.” Jessica watched as
Kevin’s smile grew, his whole face lighting up – she hadn’t realised
before just how much having her stay with him, without having to make
excuses as to why she couldn’t, meant to him. She didn’t like wearing
the nappies, but she liked waking up dry, and she liked waking up next
to Kevin, and if wearing them meant both were possible she would be
happy to wear them until she grew out of the bedwetting.
*****
Jessica
looked over at Kevin, who was still sleeping beside her, snoring
softly. Since wearing a nappy that first time Jessica had been staying
at Kevin’s house regularly, and Kevin had stayed at hers a few times as
well, although as she didn’t have the luxury of a double bed both
preferred staying at his house. At first she had been self-conscious of
the nappies, but she knew Kevin accepted them, and she was beginning to
accept them herself as well. And she loved the fact that now when she
awoke in the mornings she could shut her eyes and drift back to sleep.
She was so used to having to get out of bed as soon as she woke to
shower and change the sheets, it was rare that she ever had a lie-in
before the nappies.
The illuminated green numbers on Kevin’s digital clock said 4:37,
Jessica felt the crotch of her nappy, it was warm and very swollen. She
and Kevin had been out drinking earlier that night, and she had wet out
the large quantities of alcohol in her system in her sleep. She knew
that when she drank she was prone to more than one wetting, but didn’t
think the nappy would hold another without leaking. She would have to
change into a clean one.
Jessica slipped out of bed, and the shift in the bed woke Kevin, “Where are you going?” he mumbled groggily.
“I,” Jessica paused, she still couldn’t help but feel slightly
uncomfortable talking about her nappies around Kevin, “I think I need to
change my, my umm…”
Kevin sat up in bed, he didn’t wait for Jessica to finish her sentence, “Can I do it?”
“What?”
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to, I want to take care of you.”
“Umm, okay…” Jessica didn’t know what to say, she couldn’t imagine
anybody actually wanting to change an adults nappy, but here was Kevin
actively volunteering, “If, if you want to then I guess you can.”
“Come lie back on the bed,” Kevin ordered Jessica, and she obeyed. He
kissed her quickly before getting out of the bed himself. He turned on
his lamp, and then went over to his desk. It had 6 drawers in it, three
on each side, and he had assigned the bottom right drawer to Jessica’s
nappies. He pulled out a fresh one, and a box of baby wipes, before
returning to her on the bed.
He leaned over her, pulled down her pyjama shorts and started to
unfasten the tapes. Jessica felt slightly uncomfortable, she hadn’t been
changed like this since she was a baby, which was so long ago she
couldn’t even remember it. But she felt comfortable being naked around
Kevin, and he seemed to be enjoying himself, she had started to notice
that he really seemed to like playing the father figure when he was
around her, he was never patronising or dominating, but he seemed to
like caring for her. Tucking her into bed, washing her hair in the
shower, and now changing her nappy.
Kevin wiped Jessica delicately, as if she were something precious, and
she liked that. He slid the clean nappy under her, and he fastened the
tapes securely. Jessica was impressed, he had done a better job than she
did herself. “There you are baby,” he said, kissing Jessica’s belly
just above the nappy’s waistband before pulling up her shorts, “All
done.”
“Thank you,” Jessica didn’t really know what else to say, she had liked
it, him changing her. Being cared for like that. But she didn’t want to
say that to Kevin, she didn’t want Kevin to feel like he should be
changing her every night. She knew he might have just offered to be
nice, and that maybe having done it once he’d never want to do it again,
and she certainly didn’t want him to feel like he ought to.
“I like caring for you,” Back in bed Kevin cuddled up against her, “Now
go to sleep, I want to see that nappy nice and wet in the morning.”
*****
“You awake Jess?” Kevin asked.
“Ngmm” Jessica groaned beside him, “Barely.”
“Can I talk to you about something?”
“Yeah, what?”
“Promise me you’ll hear me out, listen to what I say?” Kevin asked.
“I promise,” Jessica assured him, “What is it? Are you okay?”
“Yeah yeah,” Kevin nodded, “Everything’s good. It’s just… last night. I
really liked it when I, when you let me change you. I, really like
seeing you in nappies, I mean, I really like it, y’know, it’s like a,
sorta like a, a turn-on.”
Jessica didn’t say anything.
“It’s not why I suggested you wear them, don’t think I’ve been using you
or anything, I haven’t been, I promise. I liked you before I knew you
wet the bed, but… That time in the tent, that first time when you said
you’d wet the bed it was so, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I kept
thinking about being in that bed with you when you wet it, but then you
seemed to hate it. Wetting the bed I mean. I thought maybe you were just
too embarrassed to admit you liked it, but then when you came over and
wouldn’t go to sleep I realised you didn’t like it. And I felt terrible,
I really did. I didn’t mean to embarrass or upset you, I just kind of
assumed you would like it, that you just needed me to show you it was
okay. I felt so guilty when I realised I was wrong. But I still wanted
to be able to share a bed with you, not because of the bedwetting, but
because I, I love you Jess. And so I looked around on the internet, and I
found a website which suggested buying nappies, and I didn’t know I
would, y’know, find them a turn on. I just wanted you to be happy, I
just thought if you wore them you might wake up happier. But as soon as I
saw you in one it was such a turn-on, and I didn’t know it would be,
but it was. And every time you put one on I want to be the one putting
it on for you, I want to take care of you, I want to be the one looking
after you, and, I feel like I should tell you this now, because I felt
so bad after last night, after you let me change you, and I didn’t want
you to think I was using you. I’m not, I never tried to get you to do
anything you didn’t want to for me, I always put you first, I really
did.” A solitary tear ran down Kevin’s nose, hanging from the tip for a
split-second before falling.
Jessica didn’t know what to say, she hadn’t expected Kevin to come out
with this. And she certainly hadn’t expected herself to like what he was
saying. If someone had told her six months ago that she would end up
going out with somebody who was turned on by her bedwetting she wouldn’t
have believed that was possible. She wouldn’t have believed it was
possible that anyone could find bedwetting anything other than
disgusting, and even if she had, she wouldn’t have let somebody use her
like that. But this was Kevin, he was different, he wasn’t using her,
she knew that.
“I’m sorry,” Kevin said as Jessica’s silence started to become
uncomfortable, “If you don’t want to see me anymore I’d understand.”
“Remember when I said if you hated me because of the bedwetting I’d
understand?” Jessica asked, “You said I was being silly, that it didn’t
matter. You’re being silly as well, I don’t not want to see you, of
course I don’t want to stop seeing you. I just don’t know what to say. I
liked it, last night, with you taking care of me. I just never thought
bedwetting and nappies could be anything other than horrible. I never
thought of it as anything else.”
“You don’t like it then?”
“I, I don’t know. I like wearing nappies, but maybe that’s just because I hate waking up wet.”
“So, you’d never wet the bed for me, with me there, in it?” Kevin asked, his eyes hopeful.
“I, umm,” Jessica didn’t want to say no to Kevin after he’d just spent
so long explaining himself to her, even though she knew she wouldn’t
enjoy it. She thought that maybe it wouldn’t be too bad though, if she
was doing it for Kevin, “Maybe I could try it, I guess, if it’s what you
want.”
“Really? You mean that?” Kevin looked like a little kid who’d just been
told he was allowed to choose anything he wanted from a large, expensive
toy shop, “Tonight?”
“Not tonight,” Jessica said, “I’ve got to go home tonight. Maybe tomorrow night.”
Kevin hugged Jessica tight, “I love you.” He said.
Jessica felt warm all over, she had thought he’d said he loved her
earlier, but he’d been saying so much, and she’d been trying to take it
all in, and she hadn’t been sure. “I love you to,” she said, and she
smiled as she realised that she really meant it.
*****
Jessica had a knot in her stomach, she couldn’t sleep, she was too
nervous. She had promised Kevin she would wet the bed with him in it,
and she knew that now she would have to do it. There was no way around
it. She would have to fall asleep, he wouldn’t believe her if she said
she couldn’t, she knew that. And he wouldn’t get angry if she didn’t
wet, but he’d be disappointed, and that would be worse. This would be
her first night waking up in a wet bed since Kevin had first introduced
her to nappies, over three weeks ago. She had bought her own supply for
home, and had happily said goodbye to wet sheets forever. Or at least,
she had thoughts so. But now she was lying in Kevin’s bed, the plastic
sheet stretched across the mattress, and no nappy between her legs. And
she knew when she woke up the next morning she would be wet, and that
Kevin would be wet to. It made her cringe just thinking about it. She
knew that he expected it, and she knew that it wasn’t any different to
him removing her wet nappy, and yet it still scared her to think about
it. It was still keeping her awake.
*****
Kevin woke up first the next morning; As soon as he awoke, still
disorientated from sleep, he knew something was different. It took him a
few seconds to realise that it was the unfamiliar dampness of the
sheets, the warm urine slowly turning cold. Jessica, still asleep, had
wet for him. He grew hard as he thought of her, wetting helplessly in
her sleep, with no control over it.
He wanted to wake her up, and tell her what a bad girl she’d been.
“Jessica, Jess, wake up,” he shook her gently, and she opened her eyes,
“Look what you’ve done to my sheets, wetting the bed like a baby, you’ve
been a very bad girl. Big girls don’t wet the bed, you need to be
punished.” He was getting excited at the thought of the sex that they
would have together in the very wet bed, he wondered if she might even
wet it again for him, so he was shocked when Jessica burst into tears.
He wondered if she was just playing along with him, but somehow he
didn’t think she was, “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry,” Jessica sobbed, turning away from Kevin, unable to look him in the eye, “I, I thought you said you wanted me to.”
Kevin felt terrible, he hadn’t meant to upset Jessica, he’d just gotten
carried away, “I did,” he said, “I didn’t meant anything I said, I was
just pretending, I don’t mind, of course I don’t mind, I like it.”
“I don’t,” Jessica admitted in a small voice, “I feel so guilty.”
“Don’t be silly, I asked you to do it, don’t feel guilty for something I made you do.”
“But I, your sheets…”
“I don’t care about the sheets,” Kevin said, “But you really don’t like this, do you?”
Jessica shook her head, avoiding meeting Kevin’s eye.
“Shall we get you cleaned up then? How does a nice hot bath sound? I’ll run it for you…”
*****
A week after wetting his bed Jessica was back at Kevin’s house, she had
spent the night at his house again, finally over her embarrassment of
wetting the bed with him in it. He had put her into her nappy before
bed, and she had even let him take a photograph of her in just a nappy
and T-shirt with his digital camera. That morning when they had woken
up, Jessica’s nappy soaked as usual, Kevin had helped her out of it and
they had enjoyed the best sex either of them had ever experienced.
Now the two were relaxing in Kevin’s room, still half-naked and
entangled on his bed, Damien Rice playing soothingly in the background.
They were kissing passionately when Kevin’s fifteen-year-old brother,
Connor burst in through the bedroom door, interrupting them.
“Get out.” Kevin shouted, “You know you’re not allowed in here.”
Connor stayed where he was, looking around the room. His eyes rested on
Jessica’s wet, discarded nappy lying on the floor by the bed. Neither of
them had bothered to fold it up and put it in the trash, too caught up
in the sex and moments that had followed it. “Haha, your stupid
bedwetter girlfriend pissed her nappy again.” He sneered, and turned to
look Jessica in the eye, “I found all your nappies in Kevin’s drawers. I
never met anyone over three who needed nappies before. Baby.”
Kevin turned a deep shade of puce and, his face dark with anger, he
jumped up from the bed, lunging at his brother, “Why the fuck have you
been looking in my room?” He pushed Connor to the ground, still shouting
at him, and the two began to fight. Neither brother noticed when
Jessica slipped out of the room, running out of the house in tears.
*****
After the incident with Connor Jessica ignored all of Kevin’s texts and
calls, she couldn’t believe Kevin had told his brother her biggest
secret. She knew Connor would be sure to tell all of his friends, and
any of Kevin’s friends who came to the house, she would be the biggest
laughing stock around. She felt so stupid, not just because she was
nothing but a little bedwetter, but because she had trusted Kevin, who
had obviously just been waiting for the right moment to embarrass her.
Waiting until he knew she trusted him completely, and then humiliating
her in front of everyone. She knew it would only be a matter of time
before he told everyone, she couldn’t believe she’d let him take the
photograph of her in just her nappy. She bet he would show it to
everybody now, he probably couldn’t believe how perfectly his plan to
humiliate her had worked.
Kevin had even called in at Jessica’s house a couple of times; her
parents had been out on both occasions, and she had ignored the doorbell
until he had gone away. She wished he would just give up and leave her
alone, she didn’t ever want to see him again, she didn’t want to hear
what he had to say. She just wanted him out of her life, and things to
go back to the way they were before he ever knew that she was a
bedwetter.
*****
Jessica was woken by her Mum knocking on her bedroom door, “Jessica sweetie, Kevin’s here to see you.”
“I don’t feel well,” Jessica lied, “Can you send him away?”
“Did you have an accident again last night?” Jessica’s Mum asked.
“No,” Jessica lied, her wet nappy bulging between her legs. Since
Jessica had discovered nappies she had been wearing them at home,
ordering them over the internet using her Switch/Solo card. Her mother
had noticed the lack of wet sheets to be washed, and when she had asked
Jessica about it Jessica had been far too embarrassed to admit to
wearing nappies, and so had instead lied and said that she had just
stopped wetting the bed. Her mother, having been told by numerous
doctors that Jessica would eventually out-grow her night time accidents
had found no reason to disbelieve Jessica’s lie, and had seemed so proud
that Jessica couldn’t tell her the truth now and risk letting her down.
Of course not being able to tell her parents that she was still
bedwetting meant that Jessica couldn’t tell them that she had fallen out
with Kevin, and so they were both under the impression that everything
was fine between the young couple.
“Well, I’ll let him in quickly, he said he really needs to see you. It
sounded important. And maybe he’ll help you to feel better.” Before
Jessica could protest her Mum was calling down the stairs for Kevin to
come up. Jessica heard her mother’s soft footsteps move down the stairs,
followed by Kevin’s louder ones making their way up them.
*****
“Hey Jess.” Kevin stood nervously in the doorway, glancing at her quickly before looking away, unable to meet her eye.
Although since she had last seen Kevin, fighting with his brother,
Jessica had tried to stay strong, avoiding crying over him and giving
him the satisfaction of really hurting her, on seeing him again she
couldn’t stop herself from breaking down in tears, “Go away,” she
sobbed, “I don’t want to see you. You got what you wanted, can’t you
just leave me alone now.”
Kevin looked hurt, “What do you mean I got what I wanted? Do you think I
wanted this to happen?” he was crying now as well, “Do you really think
that I wanted to hurt you? Of course I didn’t, I love you. I could have
murdered Connor, I really could have. I didn’t tell him anything, I
promise. I…” Kevin paused, as if he was unsure of whether to say what
was coming next, “You might hate me for this, it is my fault, that he
knows I mean. After you wet my bed I was washing the sheets, and…” he
paused again, trying to find the words to say what he wanted, “My mum
wanted to know why I was washing them, I never wash them, and I know I
should have lied, I know I should have said we spilt a drink, or that it
was me who wet the bed, but I told her the truth, not that I asked you
to, I said it was an accident, I didn’t even think. I knew she wouldn’t
say anything to anyone, I know she wouldn’t think it was a big deal,
she’s a nurse, she deals with that kind of thing all the time. And she
didn’t say anything, but…” he started to sob loudly, “Connor overheard, I
didn’t know he had, not until after that morning he came in, but he
overheard and snuck into my room and found the nappies. I didn’t know he
knew, not until he burst into the room and said it, I really didn’t. I
could’ve killed him after he said that, probably would have if Mum
hadn’t come in and made me stop. She kicked me out and told me not to
come back till the next day, she wouldn’t listen to what I tried to say,
just made me get out there and then. Connor made up a whole load of
lies about what happened. She believed him at first, but when I came
back I told her what happened, and I think she realised Connor was
lying. She went ballistic at Connor; he’s grounded for the rest of the
summer, his pocket money has been stopped and he’s been given a list of
chores as long as my arm to do while he’s home.” Kevin started to look
guilty, “Mum’s swore his life won’t be worth living if he tells anyone
else, but…” Kevin started to cry harder, he was sobbing so hard that he
couldn’t finish what he was saying for several minutes, “Connor got my
phone, afterwards, when I’d been kicked out, Mum didn’t give me a chance
to get it, she just made me leave there and then… Anyway, he… he text a
few people from my number, pretending to be me, and he… he, he told
them about, y’know, your bedwetting…”
Jessica was mortified, she felt frozen to the spot, her blood running
cold through her body. She couldn’t look at Kevin, couldn’t even turn
her head in his direction. She wanted to speak, to shout at him to get
out, that he had ruined her life, but she couldn’t, she couldn’t make a
sound, the tears flowing silently, her body racked with huge, silent
sobs. She was shaking, she didn’t know what to do, her secret was out,
and she knew people would hate her for it. How could they not.
“It’s not as bad as you think though,” Kevin said, “I didn’t know he’d
done it, but I got a whole load of texts from the people he told,”
