This story contains: Female bedwetting, Female desperation, Female pants-wetting, humiliation, diapers/nappies,
Ella
Ella couldn’t sleep, the boy in the room adjoined to hers was playing that music again. This was the third night in a row; It wasn’t that loud, but Ella had always had trouble sleeping without total silence.
An only child Ella had grown up with her parents on a farm in rural Wales, the nearest house to hers was several miles away, and every night when darkness descended, the tractors stationed in the barn and the animals settled for the night, the silence had crept over her home like a thick, almost smothering, blanket. Whenever Ella’s family had people to stay they always remarked on the deathly silence, most finding it creepy, but Ella could not do without it.
However, that wasn’t home anymore. Ella was now in her second week of university, and although the campus was out of town Ella still found the noise made it hard for her to sleep. Just as she had started to get used to the sporadic creaks and bangs, and the sudden spurt of voices as people walked past her ground floor window, the music had begun. It was so quiet she doubted anybody else would notice it, it was certainly too quiet to complain about, especially to a boy she’d only met a couple of times, but it was keeping her awake. The continuous noise, she couldn’t drown it out or wait for it to go away, because it kept on playing. After finally falling asleep to the music on the night it had first appeared she had awoken several times in the night, and each time it was still playing. It was still playing when she woke up at eight o’ clock the next morning,
Ella switched the light on and looked around her small room. There were still unpacked boxes piled up in the corners, Ella didn’t know where she would put half of her belongings. Her bedroom at home, back in her large farmhouse, had been at least twice the size of this room now. And now this was the only room she didn’t share with other students, and even that was temporary. Ella was lucky that she was the only one in a room meant for two. She had been assigned a roommate, Claire, but Claire had spent the entire first night sobbing into her pillow. The following morning Ella had gone to explore the town, and on returning late that evening Claire, and all of her belongings, were gone. For now Ella had her bedroom to herself, but she knew that the university were sure to assign somebody else to the room rather than let a bed go to waste, or rather to avoid missing out on extra rent.
*****
Ella awoke the next morning with a desperate need to pee, she jumped out of bed and rushed along the hall to the shared toilet. As Ella reached the toilet droplets of urine were already soaking her knickers, leaving a wet spot the size of a fifty pence coin. Ella’s face flushed red as she relieved herself, she dreaded to think what might have happened if someone else had been using the toilet. She couldn’t ever remember having an accident, her parents had had her potty trained at just eighteen-months old, and she’d been dry at night before she turned two. She prided herself on her bladder of steel, it was unlike her to have such a close call.
As Ella left the bathroom she passed the boy from the room next door, he was cute and Ella’s face grew red for the second time that morning as she realised she was only wearing her knickers and a grotty old T-shirt, she’d been so desperate for the loo she hadn’t thought to change into something she wouldn’t mind the strangers she lived with seeing her in. She pulled the T-shirt down, wishing it were longer, it barely covered her hips and Ella’s face flushed red for the second time that morning as she envisioned the possibility of the boy noticing the wet spot.
Back in her bedroom Ella dressed in her new jeans and a plain black T-shirt and, focusing on her grumbling stomach, went into the kitchen. There were three other students in there, two girls Ella had seen around but never found the courage to speak to, and the boy from next-door. Ella noticed he was always on his own, and wondered who he shared with. How did his roommate put up with that music?
Ella took some bread out of her cupboard and put it in the toaster, she jumped when she turned around to find the boy standing directly over her.
“Hi, I’m Jake, mind if I borrow some bread?” he asked, taking two slices without even waiting for an answer, “I didn’t realise how much it costs to eat, not even two weeks into the term and already I’m over the budget I set myself for food! Have to stop buying organically and start buying value, I’ll be scouting round for all the buy one, get one free, offers when I go shopping again. Mum’s sent me a cheque but the money hasn’t gone into my account yet, takes bloody ages, and I can’t start the day without a hearty breakfast.”
Ella didn’t say anything, she was still trying to process everything Jake had said, he was like a whirlwind, even so early in the morning. Chattering away, so fast it was hard to catch up and probably impossible to get your say in anyway.
“Well,” Jake said somewhat impatiently, “What’s your name then?”
“Oh, sorry, Ella, I’m Ella.”
“Nice to meet you Ella,” Jake stuck out his hand, which Ella shook warily, “Watch your toast, look, it’s almost burnt, here, I’ll have those pieces, I like mine well done. You have your bread back,” Jake took Ella’s toast out of the toaster, and put the pieces of bread he’s just taken from Ella in the toaster, “I’m doing you a favour now, see? Eating the toast you didn’t really want in the first place. Leave me thinking that anyway, don’t say you like it almost burnt as well, will make me feel less like a scrounger this way. So anyway, what room are you in? Next-door to mine? I’ve seen you going in and out of it, who you sharing with? I’ve got a room to myself, was sharing with some guy, Alex or something his name was, but I didn’t think much of him. He was a bit quiet, didn’t say much. Didn’t even try and get on with me, he just kicked up a fuss with the uni and asked to move rooms. Bit annoyed about it really, makes me look bad if he goes and complains about me. Wouldn’t mind if I’d deserved it, but I didn’t do anything out of order, I mean I’m friendly enough, you can tell I’m friendly can’t you. Anyway, quite nice having a room to myself now at least, don’t have to worry about what time I come in or want the lights of or how loud I have my music or what to watch on TV. It’s ridiculous that they expect us to share rooms with strangers, lucky my stuff wasn’t nicked, he coulda taken anything he wanted, no privacy when you’re sleeping in a bed just two feet away from someone else’s.”
Ella shook her head, “No, you’re right, I’m lucky, I’ve got my own room as well. Girl I was sharing with got homesick, only stayed one night. They’ll probably find someone else to put in the room though.”
“Yeah, wouldn’t want to miss out on their precious rent would they. The rooms are hardly big enough for one, but I bet when they realised you could squeeze in two beds, and charge twice as much rent, they didn’t think twice about making us share. Twelve to a single toilet, twelve to two showers, twelve to a single kitchen, this place was obviously only meant for six. Couldn’t fit twelve people into this kitchen if we stuck half of us in the cupboards, and trying to have a shower in the mornings is a total nightmare, don’t you find?”
Ella nodded, her mind flashed back to her close call just earlier that morning.
Anyway,” Jake looked at his watch, “I’d better be off, got stuff to do. Thanks for the toast, I’ll repay the favour if ever you’re going hungry! See you round sometime, bound to bump into each other, or feel free to pop into my room if ever you’re feeling bored. Us without roommates to chat to ought to stick together.”
Tousling Ella’s hair on his way Jake bounced out of the room. Ella didn’t know what to make of him, she was sure she should have been annoyed by him, tousling her hair? She wasn’t five years old anymore. And yet he had some sort of charm, something she couldn’t put her finger on, which just made her want to spend more time with him. She’d never met anybody who seemed to find idle chatter come so naturally, she’d never met anybody whose presence seemed to fill the whole room, as if there was nothing else there, in the way that his did. And she wondered how she had managed to dismiss his dark brown eyes, and his hair, messy and unbrushed with a fringe which flopped over his eyes, as ordinary before today. He was certainly anything but ordinary.
*****
Ella didn’t see Jake again during the day, and when she decided to try and sleep his music wasn’t playing. Ella wondered if he’d gone out, she expected he had tons of friends, he must do, finding it so easy to talk to people. Ella was still thinking of him when, later than usual, she heard his music come on. Ella was becoming frustrated by it now, she wondered if Jake needed it to get to sleep. But he could still listen to it on headphones, or at least set it so that it didn’t keep playing all through the night. Ella had always been shy and she didn’t have the courage to confront him about it now, even though she guessed he wouldn’t mind. But if she got to know him better, if they got to be friends, perhaps then she could ask him without feeling awkward.
However, in the meantime Ella decided perhaps she ought to try and use it to help her get to sleep, maybe she’d even grow to like it. As Ella listened intently to the music it almost seemed to lull her into a trance, until Ella felt that the music had taken over her body completely and that nothing else existed.
*****
Ella woke up with a start, something was wrong? It took her a split second to realise that she was peeing, in bed! Ella clenched her muscles in a desperate attempt to stop the flow, she managed to regain control over her bladder and clutching at her groin rushed to the toilet. What was happening to her? She’d never wet the bed before, not even as a child, not since she was a toddler. Why was this happening now? She was eighteen, eighteen-year-olds did not wet the bed. Perhaps she was ill? Although she didn’t feel ill. Was it stress? She supposed university could be making her stressed, but she didn’t feel it.
It was a cold night and Ella had worn a pair of pale blue cotton pyjamas to bed, however now the cotton had turned dark, although she had stopped the flow of urine before it had completely soaked her pyjamas the wet spot was large enough to make it was instantly obvious what had happened. Although it was still early and unlikely that anybody was awake yet Ella was worried somebody would notice, and she inched out of the toilet, checking nobody could see her, before she darted across the hall back to her room, glad that nobody had spotted her.
Back in her room Ella changed out of her wet pyjamas and stripped her bed sheets, she was glad she had not wet enough to soak the mattress, it was a little bit damp but she hoped that if she gave it a good scrubbing with a damp cloth and some soapy water it would be fine. She didn’t want her room to smell of pee. She needed a shower first though.
*****
When Ella had both showered and scrubbed the mattress, leaving the bed stripped to dry out, she carried her sheets and pyjamas to the kitchen be washed. She hoped nobody inspected the bundle of washing, she had added some T-shirts, socks and knickers that added washing anyway to it, but it wouldn’t be too hard to look at the damp sheets and pyjamas and guess what had happened. Luckily nobody was around, it wasn’t even 6am yet, everyone else was probably still asleep. Ella loaded the washing machine before going back to her room, she had a lecture at nine o’ clock that morning anyway so it was probably a good thing that she was up so early. She could read some of the recommended chapters of her text book.
*****
That afternoon Ella returned home after her lectures to face a new problem, although the university had provided the kitchen with a washing machine there was no dryer; how was she going to dry a sheet? She could hang her clothes over the radiator and the backs of chairs to dry, but the sheet was another matter. She could hang it out of the window, but she was worried it would fall off, and besides, somebody might see and guess what had happened.
In the end Ella had the bright idea of using a drawing pin to tack a piece of string across the room, and she hung the sheet from that. She was feeling quite pleased with her new washing line, and hung some clothes up with the sheet, when there was a knock on her door.
Ella stuck her head out of the door, it was Jake.
“Hey, mind if I join you? I brought biscuits, chocolate hob-nobs. A thank you for the toast, got some money today, been shopping. Bought everything else value, but there’s no biscuit like a hob-nob. You’re not busy are you? I haven’t been given any work to do yet, lecturers waiting till we’ve settled in before they pile it on I suppose. Well, you gonna let me in?”
Ella opened the door wide before she remembered her stripped, damp mattress and her sheet and pyjamas hanging up to dry. She turned beet red, waiting for him to look at her with disgust, say something rude and walk out. Nobody would want to sit in a room with somebody who wet the bed.
“Can I sit here?” Jake asked as he sat on what had been Claire’s bed, “Haven’t finished unpacking then yet? Looks like you’ve got a lot of stuff, I’d unpack it all now before they throw someone else in here with you. Claim all the storage as your own! Is your computer there set up? Are you gonna get the internet, I’ll know where to come when I need to look something up, the computers in the library are rubbish, I had to wait for over half an hour for one to become free the other day.”
Ella hovered uncomfortably, she didn’t know where to sit, her bed was still damp, but she didn’t want to sit too close to Jake. Although there was something about him that drew her in she was still wary of him, she didn’t know him at all. He could be anybody, should she have let him into her room? It would have been rude to say no, he’d invited himself in anyway, but it was probably still foolish to let a stranger into her room.
“Sit down, look at me, having to give you orders in your own room! You okay with me being here, you weren’t busy were you? Do you wanna go somewhere else, get me out of your room? You could show me how to do some washing, see you’ve been doing yours, I haven’t done any yet. I don’t know how to use the washing machine, Mum did all my washing at home.”
“Sorry, you don’t have to go, I’m not busy. It’s just… actually it’s nothing,” Ella smiled, “Your presence is just a bit overwhelming, in a good way I mean, but it’s sorta like, I’ve never met anybody who talked so much as you, you’re like, I dunno, you’re like a dynamo or something. Someone’s wound you up, and you come in and you just don’t stop… It’s a good thing though, I don’t mean it in a bad way or anything, sorry, I just mean that…”
Chuckling Jake interrupted Ella, “Hehe, don’t be sorry, say what you think. That’s what I do. You’ve gotta relax, you can’t talk properly if you’re tense. Come and sit down, tell me about yourself, you do some of the talking, c’mon, and eat one of these hob-nobs, I’ve had three already and I’ve only been here two minutes!”
Ella sat down and tried to relax, Jake started chatting away again, and it wasn’t long before Ella started speaking almost as much as him. They sat talking for over two hours, before Jake announced that he was hungry. He insisted that, as it was Friday night, they had a quick meal and then went out to the student bar.
*****
Ella had had a great night with Jake and they had chatted together all night at the student union bar. Although they were from completely different backgrounds, before university Jake had lived with his single Mum and four younger siblings right in the centre of London, they found that they had a lot in common.
It was late when the two of them got back to their halls. Ella stumbled into her room, drunk and ready to get into bed, only to realise her sheet was still damp and her clean ones were buried away in a box somewhere. Exhausted and still fully clothed Ella crawled into Claire’s empty bed, once again glad to have the room to herself, and slipped into a deep sleep right away.
*****
Ella was awoken on Saturday morning by Jake knocking on her door. She had a splitting headache and her mouth felt dry and furry. Ella rolled over, and a sense of dread came over her. She put her hand down to her trousers and confirmed what she had suspected; Ella had wet the bed. Not just a little bit this time, her trouser legs were completely drenched, and the wetness had seeped up to her back. Even worse it had soaked into the mattress. Jake was still at her door, he was shouting that it was past lunchtime and she needed to get up and spend the afternoon with him. Ella lay in bed, her body cold and wet and sticky with urine, he was waiting for her to get up. How could she hide this from him?
Ella ignored Jake’s knocking, when he had given up and gone back to his room she got out of bed and stripped out of her cold, damp clothes. She needed a shower. But first she had to get the room looking decent. At least the sheet from her bed had dried overnight, so at least she would have one dry bed to sleep on. She stripped the other bed of it’s sheet and hid it with her clothes under the bed before going for a shower.
After her shower Ella went back to her room, having been out of it for a while on re-entering she realised it really smelt of pee. If she didn’t wash it the mattress was going to continue to stink, but how could she wash a sodden mattress? She was just going to have to wash it with soap, water and a cloth as best she could, and then turn it over so that even if it was ruined nobody would notice. She had her clothes and sheet to wash as well, she’d have to sneak them into the kitchen again.
Luckily once again nobody was around when Ella went to the kitchen, she looked at her watch, 14:12. Hopefully everybody had gone out. Ella loaded up the washing machine and made herself a sandwich to eat before going back to her room where she got to work scrubbing down the mattress. She knew she had to do a really good job to stop it smelling, and began to find the scrubbing quite therapeutic.
“Ella,” Jake was knocking on the door, “Am I okay to come in, I heard you in the kitchen, glad you’re up, I was getting a bit worried you’d passed out or something … Ella? You there? I haven’t done something wrong have I?”
“No, no, don’t worry, you haven’t done anything wrong. I’m just, erm, I’m just getting dressed, I won’t be a minute, you go wait in your room, I’ll be there now.” Ella realised all she could do for the meantime was turn the mattress over. It wasn’t easy to do on her own, not in such a small room, but she managed.
*****
“Are you okay?” Jake asked Ella when she came into his room, “You look kind of upset, have you been crying? What were you just doing in there, sounding like someone was hauling an elephant round…”
Ella contemplated telling Jake about the bedwetting, maybe he’d say something reassuring; maybe he’d have an answer. Although she doubted it, regular teenagers didn’t wet the bed, as nice as he seemed he wouldn’t accept something like this, of course he wouldn’t, he’d find it weird.
“I was just unpacking a bit,” Ella lied, “I was looking for this top, I was just moving around the boxes looking in them.”
“Want me to help you unpack properly this afternoon?”
“Oh, um, thank you, but I needed to buy some things from town this afternoon,” Ella had decided she was going to have to buy a waterproof sheet for her bed, it wasn’t worth risking another wet mattress. The sheets and pyjamas were bad enough. “Maybe we could do it tomorrow though?”
“Aah okay, town it is. Would enjoy a bit of a look around myself…”
“No! I mean, I don’t mean no, but, I want to be on my own a bit. I feel a bit rough, I want some fresh air and to just look around the shops at my own pace and without having to think or anything. It’s not that I don’t want your company, but I don’t want any company. Maybe later? We can eat together, yeah?
“Oh, okay, sure. Don’t worry about it, gotta have time to yourself. Would go mad otherwise. I’ve got plenty of stuff to get on with here anyway, got a whole list of recommended reading and I can try and get myself a computer as well, dunno if they’ll be busier now it’s the weekend, might need to queue for a while. You need to think about getting that computer of yours onto the internet, can I look into it for you? Find out what the deal on having the internet is here? Shouldn’t be too expensive I wouldn’t think. Maybe we can split the cost of it or something and you let me use it when I need to?”
“Yeah, okay, sure… well I think I ought to go now, don’t want to get to town too late and I’ve still got to get ready and walk to the bus stop, but I’ll come back later, okay? See you later.”
*****
Ella took the bus into town, where could she get a rubber sheet? They were £10 in Argos and £12 at Boots, which seemed expensive to her. Didn’t they sell them for under a fiver anywhere? Everything was hypo-allergenic and stain resistant and lined in terry cloth, didn’t they have anything that was simply plastic and waterproof? They were equally expensive in Mothercare, but after some searching Ella found a cost-cutter’s waterproof sheet for just £2.99 from Wilkinsons. She was sure she wouldn’t really be needing the sheet, she would monitor her drinking tonight and then she’d be fine, but she didn’t mind spending just £3 on something she didn’t need.
Back in her room at the university halls Ella put the sheet on her bed, it was noisier than she had hoped. When you sat on the bed it crinkled and crackled quite loudly and you could feel it under you, anybody who sat on her bed would surely notice it. But at least it would be better than scrubbing down a mattress in the mornings,
*****
Over the next few nights Ella woke up wet every morning. Jake had gotten the internet set up on her computer and she had looked for tips and advice to combat bedwetting. She tried drinking less throughout the day, she tried drinking more, she tried not drinking for at least two hours before bedtime, she tried cutting out caffeine, alcohol and fizzy drinks. She set an alarm for the middle of the night so that she could use the toilet, but if when it woke her she hadn’t wet already she would always be wet by the time she awoke later that morning.
Ella was finding it difficult to hide as well, the waterproof sheet was at least protecting the mattress, but she still had wet sheets and pyjamas to wash every morning, and, even worse, to dry. Jake was constantly in and out of her room to use her computer, and every time he knocked at her door she’d have to pull the drying sheet off of the washing-line she had fashioned and hide it from him. She was also conscious that her room smelt faintly of urine, and did Jake notice that she had a different coloured sheet on her bed each morning? And she was sure he had noticed the waterproof sheet on her bed, rustling when he sat on it. He hadn’t mentioned it though, and so Ella continued to hide it, getting up early every morning to use the washing machine before anybody else was up.
*****
A few days later Ella received the worst news that could have come at the time; she was getting a roommate. It was hard enough to hide the bedwetting from Jake and the other people sharing the halls, how would she hide this from somebody she was sharing a room with? Why was she getting a new roommate now? They’d been at university almost four weeks now, surely it was too late for anybody to be joining now?
*****
Two days (and two wet mornings) later and Natalie moved into Ella’s room. There was hardly enough room for all of her belongings, and Ella felt guilty that her own were taking up over half of the space. She had moved her clothes around to leave Natalie half of the wardrobe, and Ella had cleared one of the two desks completely so that they could have one each. But Ella’s TV, although quite small, was taking up space, as was her stereo, and she was taking up most of the shelf space. Still, she expected that within a few days they would sort it out so that everything was fair.
“How come you’re just starting uni now?” Ella asked Natalie..
“I’m not, I’ve been here since the start, but my room-mate and I didn’t get on at all so I applied for a room transfer. Who used to be in here, before me?”
“No-one really, a girl called Claire was here, but she was homesick and quit uni altogether after the first night, so it’s just been me here since then.”
“Lucky, nice to have a room to yourself for a bit. I’m a bit pissed off that Kim now gets our room to herself. I'm kind of wishing it had been her who’d moved and not me, no offence, but then you’d be stuck with her and I doubt you’d like that. She was a right bitch, probably best not to have her in with anyone whose life she’d make a misery.”
“Yeah…” Ella nodded, not quite sure what she should say.
“So, anyway, what are the other people in this building like? Are they nice? Don’t have any shower hoggers do we? Where I was before one guy would spend an hour in the shower every morning, we tried speaking to him about it but it didn’t stop him.”
“Everyone here’s pretty nice, I still don’t know half of them very well. The boy next door is Jake, he’s great, I expect he’ll want to come over and meet you in a bit. The two girls across from us are Sarah and Michelle, they’re pretty cool. Simon and James are across from Jake, James is a nice guy, Simon seems a bit weird. Then next to Jake’s room are Luca and Tom, Luca’s French and doesn’t speak much, I don’t think he’s that confident in his English, and I’ve only spoken to Tom a couple of times. Across from them is the kitchen. Then next to us on the other side are Maria and Hannah, I don’t know Maria much, but Hannah likes her and Hannah’s lovely. Then across from them is the toilet and two shower rooms.”
Ella was glad that Natalie and her were getting on well. Jake, when he joined them, seemed a bit unsure about her though. Ella was secretly a little happy that Jake hadn’t taken to Natalie; Ella was beginning to think that there was some chemistry between her and Jake, and she didn’t want Natalie taking Jake away from her.
*****
That night Ella couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t Jake’s music, she found that she had grown to like it now, finding that it actually helped her drift off to sleep, if she listened to it intently enough it was as if it pulled her into a trance, lulling her to sleep. But Ella was worrying about the bedwetting, or rather about how to hide it from Natalie. Every time she thought about the morning she felt as if her stomach were shrinking inside of her, her whole body was growing heavy, her skin grew hot and prickly and her heart was beating twice as fast as usual. If she could stay awake all night it would be fine, only it wouldn’t be fine. Even if she managed to stay awake all night, she would still have to face tomorrow. She couldn’t stay awake for the next nine months. She would just have to do her best to hide it.
Ella fell asleep eventually, and of course the next morning she woke up in soaking wet pyjamas, her sheet sodden beneath her. She went to get up when suddenly she remembered, Natalie. Ella looked over to Natalie’s bed, she was still fast asleep. Ella stripped out of her wet pyjamas and into her dressing-gown, and then she stripped the bed, pulling the duvet so that it covered as much of the plastic sheet as possible, hoping that when Natalie awoke she wouldn’t notice the small patches of the waterproof sheet visible either side of the pillow.
Ella put her pyjamas and sheets in the washing machine, and then she went to take a shower. Back in her room Natalie was still asleep, for which Ella was glad, it would give her a chance to wipe down the waterproof sheet and to put on a clean sheet. So far this wasn’t too hard to hide, but she still had her pyjamas and sheet to dry. That would be the hardest part. It had been hard enough to hide from Jake, and he hadn’t had his own key, several times she would meet him in the kitchen, and he’d want them to go back to her room so that he could use the computer, and she’d have to leave him waiting at her door when she went in to hide the sheet and pyjamas. She would tell him that she didn’t like her room to be messy when people were round and that she had to pick her things from the floor, but her room was quite often untidy when Jake was there. Ella often wondered if Jake was suspicious, or, even worse, if he had seen the sheet hanging up as she walked through the door and guessed her problem.
*****
Her question was answered when Ella went to get her washing from the machine an hour later. Jake was in the kitchen, sitting on the counter, wolfing down a bowl of crunchy nut cornflakes.
“I was waiting for you,” he said, “Figured you’d be along soon. You okay? No problems with Natalie this morning?”
Ella tried to stop herself from turning red as she thought about what might have happened if Natalie had been awake, “No, of course not. I told you, I like Natalie, you’ll like her to if you get to know her a bit better.”
“My first impressions of people are usually right, but that’s not what I meant anyway.” He shovelled the last spoonfuls of cereal from the bowl into his mouth, lifting the bowl to his mouth and slurping up the milk. He jumped off of the counter, “I’m guessing she was asleep when you got up?”
Ella felt her skin go prickly, all of her limbs suddenly felt weak and she couldn’t look Jake in the eye as she guessed what was coming next. He knew, this was it, she knew this moment was coming, she’d known it would happen sooner or later, but why now? Just as she was beginning to think something might even happen between her and Jake, but now he was going to announce that he didn’t want to know her, of course he didn’t. He’d just been waiting for the right moment, and now he was going to use Natalie against her as well. He probably thought Natalie was amazing, he’d just said he didn’t to trick her. Maybe he’d gotten Natalie to pretend to be asleep, gotten her to find out if what he’d guessed days, maybe weeks, ago was true. And now he knew it was true he’d make sure everybody knew, she’d have to leave university, how could she explain this to her parents? How could she explain to them why she had to drop out? She was eighteen, eighteen-year-olds did not wet the bed, so why did she?
“You sure you’re okay? You don’t look okay?” Jake looked concerned, how could he keep on pretending to be so nice right up to the last minute?
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” Ella nodded,
“Okay, if you’re sure. Well anyway,” he nodded towards the washing machine, “Feel free to dry your stuff in my room, you don’t know Natalie enough to trust yet.”
Ella didn’t know how to feel, she didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or cry, She was still in shock, she hadn’t expected this conversation, she didn’t know how to feel regarding Jake knowing her secret. What did he think about it? How long had he known? Why didn’t it bother him?
“Hey, stop looking so uncomfortable, you can trust me. You know that, don’t you?”
Ella nodded.
“Well then, bring your stuff through when it’s finished. I’ll be offended if you don’t. See you in a bit.” Jake bounded off back to his room, leaving Ella still feeling confused.
She made herself some toast, and by the time she was done eating it her washing was completed. Ella didn’t want to go into Jake’s room with it, it would be too embarrassing, but she didn’t think she had a choice. There was nowhere else to dry it, and he’d said he’s be offended if she didn’t. She didn’t want to offend him after he was so nice about it.
As Ella was leaving the kitchen, washing in hand, Jake was waiting for her anyway. He ushered her into his room and took her sheet and pyjamas from her, hanging them up on a piece of string he’s tied across the room in the same way as Ella.
“Got anything planned for today?” he asked her, Ella was glad he wasn’t mentioning the bedwetting, “I have a seminar at eleven, so I’ll be free from twelve. Thought we could go into town, you can bring Natalie along if you want, I’d like to get to know her better.”
“I thought you didn’t like her?”
“I’m not sure that I do, but it doesn’t hurt to get to know somebody. You know the saying, I keep my friends close and my enemies closer. Not that I’m saying I want to make an enemy out of the girl, but I can’t figure out what she’s like if I don’t get to know her. And if she’s gonna be sharing a room with my best girl I need to know what she’s like.”
Ella smiled, she liked being called Jake’s ‘best girl.’ “Okay, sure. I have a tutorial in,” Ella looked at her watch, “Shit! In half an hour, I’ve gotta get going, but I’ll see you later, feel free to drop in. Oh, and, thanks for, y’know…” Ella looked at her sheet hanging up in Jake’s room.
Jake smiled, “That’s no problem, my room is your room whenever you need it. See you later then, have a fun tutorial.”
Ella grimaced, “Huh, yeah, I’m sure it’ll be thrilling.”
*****
Ella’s bedwetting continued to happen on a nightly basis, and Jake insisted she dried her sheets in his room, he had even taken the liberty of taking them out of the washing machine and hanging them up in his room if he got to the kitchen before her. Ella was glad that he was being so understanding, and gladder still that he never once brought it up or questioned her about it. He didn’t seem to find it strange at all. Sometimes she even thought he seemed to like the fact that she was a bed wetter, he always sat on her bed when he went into her room now. She’d thought it was just because he couldn’t sit on Natalie’s bed anymore, but she’d noticed him purposely moving in such a way that her waterproof sheet rustled and one time she was sure she’d seen him looking it up on the internet.
*****
A week after Natalie had moved into Ella’s room Ella woke up, wet again. It was a Saturday morning, and Ella and Jake had been out at the student union until late. Light was streaming through the open windows, and Ella noticed Natalie, awake and sitting at Ella’s computer. How was Ella going to get out of bed now? She had an idea, she would text Jake and ask him to take Natalie off to his room or the kitchen or anything so that she could sort her bed out. Ella reached over to get her phone from her bedside table, at the same time Natalie turned round to look at her.
“You’re up! Finally, it’s almost two o’ clock. Jake came in looking for you earlier, said he had to meet his brother for lunch. He said he’d be back by about three, his brother’s just passing through on his way to, I dunno, somewhere beginning with W I think. Worcester or Wolverhampton or something. I’m not sure.”
“Oh, okay… thanks.” Ella’s heart sunk, if Jake wasn’t here to distract Natalie how would she avoid Natalie noticing her wet bed? She would just have to try and stay in bed until Jake came back and rescued her from this predicament.
Ella picked up a book she was in the middle of and started to read, it was horrible lying in a wet bed, her cold, clammy pyjamas were sticking to her body and she was aware of the smell of urine in the air. She just hoped Natalie wouldn’t notice. Ella watched the clock, wishing Jake would come back, or that Natalie would just go and get a drink, or use the toilet. Anything that would get her out of the room just for two minutes. Just for enough time for Ella to throw a dressing gown on and rush for the shower. But Natalie didn’t move, she just continued to use the computer.
After about half an hour Natalie broke the silence, “It looks pretty sunny outside, let’s go for a walk or something. We can’t stay in here all day.”
“Maybe we should wait until Jake gets back,” Ella suggested.
“We could go and meet him in town. Come on.” Natalie urged.
“I dunno, I’d rather just wait here for a bit. I want to finish this book.”
“No, you’re getting up and that’s final. Come on.” Before Ella even realised what was happening Natalie had whipped the duvet from her bed, revealing her wet bed in all it’s glory. Time seemed to slow down completely, Ella’s body froze and Natalie just stood there, mortified at what she’d uncovered.
“Fuck, that is disgusting. Oh my god, you’re just lying there in your own piss? You’ve fucking wet the bed, what the hell is wrong with you? How can you just lie there like that?” Natalie threw the duvet back over Ella, it fell in a crumpled heap. “What are you, like, five or something? Our rooms gonna stink of piss now, were you just gonna sit there all day lying in it? That’s fucking sick, shit, you need help girl.” With that Natalie walked out of the room.
Ella just sat in bed motionless, she was shaking as the tears started to fall down her cheeks. Natalie knew. Natalie knew, and worse, Natalie wasn’t going to accept it. Natalie must hate her now, and Natalie was going to tell everybody. She’d probably tell Jake, and maybe she’d make Jake realise that it was disgusting. Natalie would turn everybody against her. How was she going to share a room with Natalie now? What was she going to do?
Ella tried to compose herself as she realised that for now the only thing to do was to get out of her cold, wet bed, take a shower and get her damp sheets and pyjamas into the washing machine. She’d have to play the rest by ear.
*****
“Howdy y’all, I’ve returned!” Jake bounced into the room, smiling happily, “Did you miss me?”
Ella looked up from the computer and Jake noticed the tears in her eyes.
“Hey, come here, what’s wrong?” Jake enveloped Ella in a bear hug, “Did something happen when I was gone?”
All Ella could do was nod as she started to sob again.
“Why? What happened? Was it Natalie? Did she … did you have to tell her about the bedwetting?”
Just that word made Ella flinch, Jake had never said it before. Of course he knew, of course she knew he knew, but the word seemed so black and white, so blunt, it was so obvious what that word meant. She wasn’t somebody who woke up wet sometimes, this was always. She was a bed wetter. She was an eighteen-year-old bed wetter, probably the only one. What was wrong with her?
“Do you want to tell me what happened? What’s she said? When she comes back she’s going to get a piece of my mind, that’s for sure.” Anger flashed in Jake’s eyes, but there was something else there that Ella couldn’t quite work out. Was it excitement?
“Please, don’t, don’t make it worse.” Ella begged, “Don’t give her a reason to hate me, to tell people.”
“She won’t tell people.” Jake said flatly, “Don’t worry, I won’t let her hurt you. Not for this.”
*****
Natalie didn’t return until the next morning. Ella was already awake and typing up an assignment for her course when Natalie walked through the door.
Natalie spoke first, “Hi, erm, look, I’m sorry about yesterday. I shouldn’t have shouted at you, I shouldn’t have said some of the stuff I said, but, I just find it weird. Are you really too lazy to just get up and go to the toilet? I don’t know how I feel about sleeping in the same room as you if you’re going to do that, to just lie in your own piss all day. It’s not right, who does that? Is it really too far for you to just cross the hall and use the toilet?”
“I … I … I’m not lazy.” Ella stammered, “I didn’t do it on purpose. It was just,” Ella decided to try the excuse Jake had suggested, “It was just a one off. It’s just when I’m drunk, it doesn’t happen regularly.” Ella lied.
“But you were just lying in it?”
“I know, I, I was too embarrassed to get up. I didn’t want you to see, I didn’t like it. I hate it. It’s horrible lying in a cold, wet bed. But I didn’t want you to find out.”
“So it doesn’t happen every night?”
Ella’s cheeks grew red, “No, no not at all. Just when I’m drunk, occasionally, hardly ever. Not even every time I’m drunk. It’s just ‘cos I slept in so late.” Ella had lain awake for half of the night elaborating on the excuse Jake had offered her.
“Good, ‘cos if it happened every night this room would be disgusting, it would stink. Well anyway, I’m sorry, I guess you couldn’t help it. But if you get really drunk again set an alarm to wake you up early or something, okay?”
Ella nodded. She was going to have to get this sorted. She’d been putting it off, but she thought she was going to have to go and visit a doctor. It wasn’t just the bedwetting now; she was finding herself needing the toilet more and more during the day as well. She’d previously been able to go four or five hours without needing the toilet, and even when she felt the need to go she could hold it for several more hours if it was necessary, but now Ella found she needed the toilet at least every hour. And she’d had several close calls, she found it hard to hold on even for ten minutes. She expected that as it was a Sunday the doctors surgery would be shut, but promised herself she’d ring up the very next day to try and get an appointment.
*****
When Ella rang the doctors surgery on Monday morning the nearest appointment they could offer her was Thursday. That was still three whole mornings away, now that Natalie had caught her it was going to be even harder to hide this. Natalie would be looking out for signs of bedwetting. Ella had been lucky to wake up even earlier than usual that morning, Natalie had still been fast asleep, snoring lightly, and Ella had been able to sort out her bed, shower and get her pyjamas in the washing machine before Natalie so much as stirred. But could she rely on that happening every morning? Could she risk Natalie noticing that she wore different pyjamas each night, that her sheet was changed every day? Would Natalie notice the faint odour of pee now that it had been brought to her attention?
Luckily Ella needn’t have worried, as that afternoon Natalie announced that she was going home for the week. Her aunt was ill and her Mum wanted to stay with the aunt, but Natalie had two younger sisters who needed watching. Ella, although sorry that Natalie’s aunt was ill, was glad that luck was on her side for once. She once again had the room to herself, and felt much more relaxed that she didn’t have to sneak around quite so much every morning.
*****
Ella felt much happier for all of Tuesday, however, on Wednesday the situation she’d been dreading, and wishing wouldn’t occur, did. She was sitting in a lecture, when the urge to use the toilet came upon her quickly and without warning. She knew there was no way she could leave a lecture half-way through, but the pressure on her bladder was increasing at an alarming rate. Ella crossed her legs and wriggled in her seat, she’d never gotten so desperate so quickly before. Ella clamped her hand between her legs, squeezing her crotch in an attempt to hold on. She looked at her watch, there were only 10 minutes until the end of the lecture left. She could hold on for ten minutes, couldn’t she? She’d been to the toilet right before the lecture, ten minutes would be easy.
Ella felt a wave of pressure spread across her bladder, the pain was becoming almost unbearable and she bit her lip to avoid crying out. She was really wriggling in her seat now, uncrossing and re-crossing her legs, squeezing her groin every few seconds. Another wave of pressure spread across her bladder, and Ella felt a few drops of urine soak into her knickers. She looked at her watch, 7 minutes left. She clutched her groin even harder as a third wave of pressure spread across her bladder, this time the flow of urine lasted a full two seconds before Ella could regain control, she knew there would be a visible wet spot now. But even worse she knew she had no chance of making it to a toilet, even if she did manage the five minutes to the end of the lecture the second she stood up she knew she would let loose.
Ella let out an audible cry as a final wave of pressure swept across her bladder, forcing it to empty. She realised in horror that she was wetting herself, she tried to regain control over the stream, but her attempts were futile. The seat of her jeans was soaked, and urine ran off her wooden seat and dripped onto the floor. The eyes of the students closest to where she was sitting were all fixed upon her. A mixture of shock, embarrassment and amusement spread across their faces. They began to whisper, nudging the people around them who hadn’t noticed.
Ella started to sob quietly, she didn’t know what to do. If she got up and left now then everybody in the room would turn to look at her, they’d all notice her soaked jeans. But she couldn’t just sit here, in a puddle of her own urine, whilst her fellow students laughed and whispered about her. And how was she going to get back to her room? She’d have to walk right across campus, everybody would notice, how could they not? And what if she bumped into somebody back at the halls, how could she explain this?
Ella noticed people were starting to get up around her. At least the lecture was over, maybe she should wait until last before she left. At least then there’d be no-one behind her to notice. As people walked past her most of them sniggered, making rude remarks and hurtful comments. At that moment Ella hated everyone and everything around her, and even more so she hated herself. Why was this happening to her? Did she deserve this? Was this happening to her because she was a bad person? She couldn’t think of any other reason for this to be happening to her.
Ella shamefully stood up and walked out behind everybody else, people were turning to look at her, staring at her wet jeans and giggling.
“You need to get yourself a nappy!” someone shouted at her, causing more people to turn around and stare at her.
Ella burst into tears, her sobs turning into cries, and she started to run back to her room. She wished she had a jumper or jacket with her that she could tie around her waist, but all she had was a T-shirt. Tears were blurring Ella’s vision, but she was sure half of the campus must be looking at her. It was uncomfortable to run in the damp, heavy jeans. They were chafing her legs, but Ella knew she had to get home as quickly as possible.
*****
“Hey Ella, everything alright? Saw you run past.” As Ella reached the door to her room Jake emerged from the kitchen, “Late for something?”
Ella, searching for the key to her room in her bag, ignored Jake. He was coming towards her, she couldn’t let him see her like this. She found the key and burst into her bedroom, slamming the door and then throwing herself down on her bed, crying deep, hacking sobs.
Jake was standing outside of the door, he was speaking softly, “Ella? Ella? Ella, when you’re ready will you please come and talk to me. We don’t have to talk about this, but I’m worried about you, I don’t want you in there by yourself.”
Ella ran a finger over a faint series of scars on her left arm, she’d been a self-harmer for a few months when she was younger. She’d told Jake in a moment of drunkenness, and he’d convinced himself she was a ticking time bomb, ready to break and slash her wrists at any moment. The idea was tempting, but Ella resisted it. She didn’t want to get caught up in that again.
Instead she stripped out of her wet clothes, rolling them into a ball and stuffing them under the bed, and went for a shower.
*****
When Jake knocked on her door again, ten minutes after she got out of the shower (Ella was surprised he’d managed to wait that long) Ella couldn’t look him in the eye. She felt completely shamed. He wrapped his arms around her, embracing her in a hug. “Don’t worry about it,” he said, kissing the top of her head, “It doesn’t matter. Not to me.” He tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, and leaned in for the kiss.
Ella was taken by surprise, but filled with an overwhelming happiness at the same time. This was the moment she had been waiting for almost since she’d met Jake. She hadn’t imagined it would have happened quite like this, following him seeing her in urine-soaked jeans, but it was still magical.
*****
Ella tapped her foot nervously; she hated the atmosphere in the doctor’s surgery. Everyone so tense. Everybody waiting for their name to be called out, everybody anxious to see the doctor and find a cure for whichever problem they were experiencing.
*Ella Thomas* Her name flashed up on the screen, it was time for her to go and face the doctor.
It was a young male. Ella felt immediately uncomfortable; she hadn’t thought to ask for a female doctor. She’d just assumed it would be one, her family GP at home was female, she hadn’t even considered the possibility of a man, especially not one so young.
“Take a seat,” Doctor Jameson smiled, “What seems to be the problem?”
Ella blushed as the tried to explain, “I, erm, I’ve… about a month ago I started, I started to, um, wet the bed. It just started out of the blue, I don’t know why. But it’s every night. And then yesterday, yesterday,” Ella’s turned puce as she remembered the events of the previous day, “yesterday I wet myself.” Her voice was little more than a whisper.
Doctor Jameson nodded, “Have you got any previous history of bedwetting, or daytime wetting?”
“No, never, I was potty trained at two, before now I can’t ever remember wetting the bed. I used to be able to go hours without needing the toilet, but now I can’t even manage an hour.”
“Does it hurt when you urinate?”
Ella shook her head no.
“Hmm, okay, well I’m going to have to take a urine sample.” He handed Ella a small plastic pot, “There’s a toilet along the hall, second door on your left. Come back when you’re done.”
Ella found the toilet and examined the pot, how was she going to pee into that without getting it all over her hand? The answer was she wasn’t, she was glad that there was plenty of soap next to the sink.
She took her urine sample back to Doctor Jameson, he held it up to the light, Ella squirmed with embarrassment. “I can’t see anything obvious there, but I’ll send it off for some tests. It’s probably a simple urinary tract infection, it can be cleared by antibiotics. However, I can’t prescribe them until we’re sure. It could be a case of stress, have you been under any stress lately?”
“Not really, it did start just after I started university, but I wasn’t finding university stressful. Not until recently, the bed-wetting’s making me kind of stressed. And the daytime wetting.”
Doctor Jameson nodded, “Have you considered using absorbent undergarments? They may help reduce your stress levels, you won’t have any washing to deal with, and they may help you feel more confident about being in public during the daytime.” Doctor Jameson scrawled something onto a piece of paper, “This is the name and address of a medical supplies shop. They sell a wide range of incontinence products. I’d suggest you consider purchasing some, if this is a problem which doesn’t go away then you may be eligible for free products on the NHS, especially if your daytime wettings persist. But anyway, I’ll schedule you in for a follow up appointment tomorrow, does twelve o’ clock sound good to you? The results of your urine sample should be in then.”
“Twelve o’ clock should be fine, thank you.”
*****
Ella walked into the shop Doctor Jameson had told her to visit. At the front of the shop were stair-lifts, aids for using the bath, mobility scooters, wheelchairs and other aids designed for people with limited or impaired mobility, Ella didn’t know where the incontinence supplies were. She didn’t even know what kind of products they had for adults, or how they would be packaged. The shop was quiet, and she couldn’t see anybody, not even a sales assistant, anywhere.
Ella walked towards the back of the shop, and jumped when a middle-aged woman came out of a small room behind the counter.
“Hello, may I help you?”
“I, erm… I need, I was looking for, umm, incontinence products.” Ella’s heart was thumping, and her skin was prickling hot. She was sure the sales assistant would burst into laughter at any minute, but she just walked briskly to a shelf at the back of the shop, with rows of shiny, different coloured packets.
“Are you looking for a product designed for heavy or light incontinence?” the sales assistant asked.
“Umm,” Ella wasn’t sure. She’d only wet herself once, was that light incontinence? “Light incontinence I think.”
“Okay, well we sell these pads here, you stick them into your underwear, rather like a sanitary towel.” Explained the sales assistant, “These are the most popular for light incontinence.”
“Can they be worn at night?” Ella asked.
“They can be,” the sales assistant replied, “But I wouldn’t recommend them for night-time wetting. It’s usually advisable to use a more absorbent product at night.”
“Oh, sorry, I don’t know much about this stuff.”
“No no, my fault. Is it mainly night-time or day-time wetting you need protection for?”
“Night-time,” Ella replied, “But the occasional day-time accident.”
“Well, for night-time wetting I’d recommend incontinence briefs such as these.” She took a large package from the shelf, Ella studied the picture on the front, it looked like a pack of nappies. She was going to have to be put back in nappies! “These are the most absorbent briefs we have. For occasional daytime wetting you might prefer a pull-up garment.” She took another package from the shelf, “These fit just like regular underwear, but if you have an accident they’re absorbent. They’re virtually invisible under clothing, and perfect for daywear.”
Ella nodded, “Thank you,”
“Do those seem right for you then? What size waist do you have?”
“Twenty-eight,” Ella replied.
“Okay then, we’ll try the Tena-slips in medium. The pull-up should be fine in medium as well.”
The sales assistant scanned the products and rung up the price on the till, they were more expensive than Ella had hoped, but at least they would be worth it if it put an end to wet sheets, and would protect her from the embarrassment of the previous day.
*****
Ella felt self conscious of taking her package home on the bus, she was sure everybody could see right through the carrier bag and were laughing at the nappies inside. She’d had a closer look at the packages once she was outside the shop, and although she hadn’t opened the packages it was quite obvious that they were nappies inside. It made her blush just thinking about having to wear them to bed, but she kept telling herself they were better than wet sheets. And it would only be until tomorrow, and then the doctor would tell her it was all an infection, give her the antibiotics and she’d be fine.
When she got back home Ella lay the carrier bag on her bed, she took out her package of Tena ‘Slips’, tore the bag open and took out a large nappy. It was white, with a pale lilac-coloured strip running all through the middle, and a plastic outer. It was soft and thick, and a small part of Ella was nervously excited at the prospect of putting it on and wearing it, but more of her was ashamed. She hadn’t worn a nappy in close to 17 years, and now she had a pack of 21 in front of her. Ella felt a ball of anger rise up inside of her, she was angry at herself for needing nappies, just like a little baby. Tears burnt her eyes as she broke down, why was this happening to her? Why couldn’t she be like everybody else?
She looked at the pull-ups she’d been sold, it was really just a nappy without the tapes. It wasn’t fooling anybody; it was still used for the same problem. It was the same product, poorly disguised. She couldn’t wear them, not in public. Everybody would know she was wearing it, it would be obvious beneath her clothes. She would just have to be more careful, use the toilet at every opportunity.
*****
However, Ella’s mind was changed less than an hour later. She was sitting on her bed watching the children’s cartoons that came on every weekday at 3:00, when the urge to pee hit her out of nowhere. Ella got up and left her room to go to the shared toilet, however, when she reached it it was engaged. She stood outside the toilet door, shifting her weight from foot to foot and clutching at her crotch, at least she shouldn’t have to wait long. She heard the chain flush, and relaxed slightly, she could hear whoever was inside running the tap. The next thing Ella knew the door was opening, and at the exact same time her bladder let go. Hot urine streamed down her legs, Ella hadn’t even felt herself let it go, and she tried to stop it, but she couldn’t seem to find the right muscle.
Jake was standing there, for the first time he appeared to be speechless. He hadn’t expected to see this as he left the toilet. Ella turned and ran back to her room, urine still streaming down her legs. This was the most humiliating week of her life, what was wrong with her?
Back in her room Ella took the pull-ups from where she’d hidden them in the wardrobe, she would have to give them a try. Ella cleaned herself up and pulled one on, it felt strange between her legs, bulkier than she was used to. It wasn’t uncomfortable as such, but it was going to take her some time to get used to it. She didn’t really have a choice now, she wasn’t risking another accident.
Ella avoided Jake for the rest of the day, he knocked at her door several times, rang her mobile and left her three text messages, but she couldn’t face him. Not after what had happened. She would talk to him tomorrow, after she had been to the doctor’s and found out the cause of the problem.
*****
Ella slept in on Friday morning, for the first time in almost a month she didn’t wake up to a cold, wet bed. Ella wanted to call Jake right away, tell him that it had all been a bad dream, that she wasn’t a bed-wetter after all. But then she remembered the events of the day before, she remembered wetting in front of Jake, and she remembered the nappies. She touched her crutch, and sure enough there was a warm, swelling bulk between her legs. Her pyjamas and sheets were dry, but she’d far from had a dry night. The nappy was completely saturated with urine.
Ella looked at her watch, it was just past eleven o’ clock. Ella remembered her doctors appointment, she leapt out of bed, pulled off her dry pyjamas and wet nappy and pulled on a pull-up. She was posed with a new problem, how to dispose of a wet nappy? It would smell if she used the bin in her room, but if she used the bin in the bathroom somebody was sure to notice it. She decided to dispose of it on her way to the doctors, wrapping it in an empty carrier bag and slinging it into her backpack.
It took almost 30 minutes to get to the doctors, and Ella only just made it for twelve. She didn’t have to wait long before she was called into Doctor Jameson’s office.
“Well Ella,” he said, “Your urine samples are back, and there didn’t seem to be anything abnormal there. I’m afraid we can rule out the urinary tract infection, which means it may not be something treatable.”
Doctor Jameson continued to talk about urologists and pelvic floor exercises and stress incontinence, but Ella couldn’t listen, all she could think was that he’d said it might not be treatable. She might be stuck with this for the rest of her life.
*****
When Ella left the doctor’s office she felt as if her life was over, how could she live like this? At least, she thought, her pull-up was still dry. In fact she hadn’t needed the toilet at all, and she’d been out well over an hour. It wasn’t until Ella got on the bus that she felt something wet at the back of her thighs. She felt the area with her hand to confirm that they were wet, she felt the seat of the bus, it wasn’t wet, so why was she? She felt her pull-up, and she realised with complete horror that it was soaked, and she hadn’t even felt the need to pee. Ella’s eyes brimmed with tears, what was she going to do? As the bus reached Ella’s stop and she had to stand up, Ella felt her pull-up let more urine leak out, she was sure everybody’s eyes were on her, or rather on her wet rear.
“Look Mummy! That lady’s peed her pants!!” she heard a little boy giggle.
“Jason! Be quiet!” his Mother hissed, but it was too late, Ella had already heard, and so had half of the bus. If they hadn’t been looking at the large wet-spots on her jeans before, they were now.
“Looks like she’s got a nappy on under those trousers!” sniggered a teenage boy. Ella rushed off the bus before she had to hear anybody else’s comments.
By the time Ella had walked home from the bus stop she had urinated again, once more without knowing about it until two streams of hot pee ran out of the pull-up and down each leg.
*****
Safe in her room, and thankful that she hadn’t run into Jake again, Ella stripped herself of her wet jeans, and replaced her wet pull-up with a dry one. She didn’t know what was happening to her, she hadn’t felt the need to pee at all, and yet the pull-up was soaked. Had she lost control altogether? How was she going to hide this from Jake, and Natalie when she got back tomorrow? She was going to have to dispose of her pull-ups and nappies, she would have to use the bin in the bathroom, but if they noticed them how hard would it be for them to put two and two together and realise that they were hers?
*****
Ella didn’t feel the need to pee for the rest of the day, but she continued to soak her pull-up. After two more leaks she started to get into the habit of changing the pull-up regularly, but she knew the pull-ups weren’t really going to work. They weren’t holding much urine, sometimes leaking less than an hour after she put them on. She wouldn’t be able to wear them during her lectures, some of which lasted two hours, not without risking embarrassing leaks. Not that a leak would be anything compared to the pants-wetting incident just a few days before, but Ella knew there was no hope of her fellow students forgetting the incident, or at least letting it lie, if she continued to remind them with wet-spots on her trousers.
Ella thought of the nappies, they had lasted right through the night without even the smallest of leaks. Could she wear a nappy to lectures? They were quite thick and would be obvious beneath her tight jeans, but if she invested in some baggier trousers and some nice skirts maybe they would be disguisable? They crinkled slightly when she walked, but they weren’t loud enough to be noticeable in a crowded lecture hall.
Ella decided to try one on, not least because she had gone through almost half a packet of the pull-ups in just a day. The wetting wasn’t helped by the fact that Ella had a seemingly unquenchable thirst, she knew she should try and cut down on liquids to stop her pull-up from becoming soaked so often, but her mouth seemed to be constantly dry and if she didn’t have a glass of water every half hour or so it would become uncomfortably so. The wetting had come before this thirst, which had really only set in since that morning, and so Ella didn’t think it was the cause for it. It just wasn’t helping.
*****
Ella took a nappy out of the packet, and spread it open. She fingered the inside of it, it was so soft, just like the nappies of the toddler she had babysat the previous summer. For a split-second, as she had the first time she’d worn one the previous night, Ella almost allowed herself to become excited by the prospect of putting it on, but she quickly shunned that excitement away. Of course she wasn’t happy about wearing this nappy, and she certainly wasn’t happy about needing to wear it.
Ella pulled off her trousers, and then the pull-up she had been wearing under them. It was very wet, and Ella suspected it would have leaked soon had she not changed it. The previous night Ella had had a lot of trouble putting on her nappy, she had been trying to put it on whilst sitting, and she found it hard to hold the front of the nappy in place and do the tapes up at the same time, she had managed, but it had taken a lot of re-adjusting. Ella thought perhaps it would be easier lying down.
She lay on the floor, her back against the carpet, and she slid the open nappy under her bottom. She lifted up her T-shirt so that the top of the nappy was against her bare skin, and she spread her legs wide to ensure that the crotch of the nappy would be comfortable. She pulled the front of the nappy up between her legs, and positioned it where she thought it would be most comfortable. Ella pulled the sides around, and stuck down the first of four tapes. She fastened the other three, and stood up. The nappy was very snug, and Ella examined herself in the full length mirror. She almost thought it looked cute. She took off her t-shirt, so that all she was wearing was the nappy and her white lace bra. The nappy high-lighted the slimness of Ella’s waist, and, Ella thought, there was something about it that was almost… sexy?
Ella quickly pulled her T-shirt back on, and shook the thought from her head. Of course she didn’t look sexy, she didn’t find nappies sexy, she wasn’t a paedophile. She looked stupid, like a little kid, no-one would ever find her attractive if she had to wear nappies 24 hours a day, every day. Jake wouldn’t want to know her anymore, he’d been understanding about the whole thing so far, but when he realised it might not ever go away he’d quickly lose interest, she knew he would. In fact, he already seemed to be losing interest, She hadn’t seen him all day, he was usually constantly in and out of her room, it wasn’t like him to go a whole day without even popping in to see her. And Ella thought it was especially strange since they’d shared that kiss just two days before, which had led to them spending the entire evening together, and lots more kisses.
*****
That evening, a little after 7pm, there was a knock at Ella’s door. Ella wasn’t sure if she should open, she supposed it would be Jake, and she was nervous about facing him again. Last time he’d seen her urine had been streaming down her legs, how would she explain it to him?
The knocking became more urgent, “Ella, Ella? Can I come in, please? Don’t shut me out, please let me see you. Please?”
Jake’s pleading sounded so desperate, Ella didn’t have the heart to keep ignoring him. And she wanted to see him, or at least, the half of her that wasn’t shaking with fear and embarrassment wanted to see him. Ella opened the door, and on seeing her Jake didn’t see a word, he just embraced her in a hug. He stood with his arms wrapped around her for what seemed to Ella like hours, before leaning in for a kiss, which seemed to last even longer. Ella was thankful that he wasn’t saying anything, and that he wasn’t expecting her to speak either.
They moved to the bed, Jake sat down and pulled Ella close to him. His hands, gently stroking her back and waist, started to wander, under her T-shirt and up towards her soft, supple breasts. He felt her suddenly go tense – she had remembered the nappy she was wearing. Her jeans were low-cut, and her T-shirt small and Ella knew that the waistband must be visible between the two. It wouldn’t be long before Jake noticed it, if he didn’t feel it he would see it. how had she been so stupid as to let him in without even thinking about it? Why hadn’t she quickly thrown on a jumper to cover the gap between her shirt and jeans?
“What’s wrong?” Jake asked, “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to… we don’t have to do anything. Can we just lie together? I want to be close to you.”
Ella felt as if her heart were melting, she wanted to be close to Jake as well. He was beautiful, not just in looks, but the way he acted, the way he was, the way he accepted her, and wanted to be with her, despite everything that had happened over the last few weeks, was beautiful to. And yet Ella herself didn’t feel beautiful, a wet nappy between her legs, unable to control when it would sustain the next wetting. What was Jake doing with someone like her?
Ella tried to relax, but all she could think of was Jake discovering the nappy, his hands were persistently trying to caress her bare skin, finding their way back under her T-shirt every time she pulled them away. If he looked down he would be sure to catch a glimpse of the waistband, or other wise feel the plastic outer. She was just waiting for him to cry out, and jump up in horror, disgusted to think that she was sitting in her own waste.
Jake’s hands moved downwards, and before Ella could pull them away they had found the nappy. But they didn’t pull away, Jake didn’t say a thing, he just pulled Ella even closer to him. His hand quickly slipped between Ella’s jeans and the nappy, his hands stroked the smooth, soft plastic, and then he gave the nappy a little squeeze. Ella was mortified, the nappy was wet, and she knew that would have been instantly obvious to Jake, the nappy warm and swollen. Scarlet-faced she pulled away from him.
“Sorry,” Jake said, realising he’d overstepped the mark, “It’s just… it’s so hard to control myself with someone as beautiful as you lying next to me.”
Ella was confused as to why he didn’t mention the nappy; surely he wouldn’t just accept it, just like that? She knew he had been incredibly understanding regarding the whole bedwetting, and then pants wetting, situations, but she kept expecting him to draw the line somewhere. But maybe she was wrong; maybe he really didn’t mind at all.
“I, it’s okay, it’s not you.” Ella said.
“It’s the nappy, isn’t it? If you’re embarrassed about it let me help you take it off.”
Ella glowed red with embarrassment, but when Jake unbuttoned the front of her jeans, pulling them down to expose her nappy she didn’t pull away, and she let him carefully untape the nappy.
******
To be continued...
